Say No and still shine In the Workplace

by Sandra Finkelstein

I spent my whole life up until the age of 39 being the “good girl,” saying yes and compromising me. How many of you can relate to this? Whether it was my personal life or professional life, I did not know how to say no without the fear of a consequence or that you will upset someone, or even worse guilt!     

After the demise of my marriage, and having two young boys, I began the journey of taking back my power. I wanted to break a cycle and to lead by example for my children. I learned that whether it was my personal life, my professional life, my finances, it came down to one thing: Was I honouring and loving myself, speaking my truth and setting my boundaries? What is my worth?

Everything comes down to relationships and the most important one is the relationship that you have with yourself. For each day you will get up, go into work or run your day, and you will likely interact with other people. How has it been up to this point, do you say yes to everything for fear that you will be fired, passed over for a promotion, or just want to be liked by all? Do you allow your boss, colleagues and/or clients to talk to you in a way that is demeaning, not nice, makes you feel unhappy or bad? Have you somehow taken on a role, one which you do not want, and do not know how to relinquish it?

For most there is a fear around saying “no.” I want to share with you different ways you can say “no” and begin to shift things both personally within and then in all your relationships. When you enable or allow behaviour to continue, then you are allowing it to happen. Saying “no” does not have to be confrontational nor the act of making a big scene. It is about learning to speak your truth and set your boundaries. Here are some examples for saying “no”:

A client questions your pricing or has in the past taken advantage of you – know your worth and state it: “This is my price and if you want me to do work for you then you will have to give me a retainer/pay the price or please feel free to find someone else.”

You have a client that is so demanding, draining you from your other work and clients. Again know your worth – you may need to release this client. To do so opens yourself up to other work and new clients.

Someone talks to you in a tone and way that is completely inappropriate. Speak your truth and set your boundaries: Let that person know that this is unacceptable. Have compassion for likely this really has nothing to do with you. If it persists, then address it with your boss and/or HR. Declare your worth.

You are asked to take on another project. Rather than saying “yes,” tell the person asking that you are already working on three important projects therefore in order to take on this new one, ask what you can relinquish or put aside. Or perhaps you can suggest that this project be given to a co-worker who enjoys this area of work.

Somehow when you offered to arrange one birthday lunch it became your “job.”  Send an email around that you no longer will take on this role and if someone wants to take it on you will assist that person where you can. Let it go.

Guilt is a wasted emotion. Once you say “yes,” then embrace the task with all your energy and heart. If you say “no,” then do so and let it go. 

I want to recommend Marcus Buckingham’s book, The Truth About You: Your Secret to Success. This book leads readers to awareness and success by empowering them to make the crucial life choice of putting themselves first and allowing them to create a work life that plays to your unique strengths. I invite you to go to my site, www.2bempowered.com, where you will find numerous resources.