I recently had the opportunity to view screener copies of Miss Representation, a documentary by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, and Menocracy, directed by Gretchen Kelbaugh.Miss Representation explored the idea that “the media’s misrepresentation of women has led to the underrepresentation of women in positions of power and influence”, andMenocracy highlighted the need for, benefit of, and necessary steps to attain gender equality within the governments of western society.

Although both films reiterated many things I already knew about the realities of being a woman in the western world, they were still highly impactful reminders that as far as we’ve come, based on the way our culture views women and girls, there is still much work to be done to achieve any semblance of equality between the men and women in our society. Of course, that begs the question, just how is the female half of our society viewed?

Well, as Miss Representation brings to light, a woman’s value and worth in society is still most often and consistently determined by the way she looks. It’s a long standing cultural perception that keeps women – myself included – spending much of their time, energy, and financial resources on trying to conform to the completely unattainable beauty standard propagated by the media. The ramifications of which were made immediately clear by the following facts offered up in the film:

The media generates most of its revenue from advertising and generally, to drive more advertising sales, the same female body type is depicted time and again. This means women and young girls (FYI: the average teenager consumes 10 hours and 45 minutes of media per day) get the same message –  you’re not beautiful enough – 24/7.

The result?

·         53% of 13 year old  girls and 78% of 17 year old counterparts are unhappy with their bodies

·         65 % of women and girls have an eating disorder

·         17% of teenagers engage in cutting and self-injurious behaviour

·         Rate of depression in girls and woman doubled between 2000 and 2010

·         In the US alone, women spend $12,000 – $15,000 per year on beauty products and salon services, and between 1997 and 2007 the number of cosmetic surgeries on girls under 19 tripled

You can’t be what you can’t see – Marian Wright Edelman

What’s more, with the exception of images of young, thin, and sexually available females, women and girls are “symbolically annihilated” in the media, with an average of only 20% of all news stories covering women and girls. The fact is, because men still dominate the media, women and girls are chronically misrepresented, which holds all females back in insidious ways – particularly when it comes to attaining political power.

As Newsom makes abundantly clear in Miss Representation, the media’s treatment of power significantly influences how power is viewed by society, and the more power women gain, the stronger the media backlash against them. Females in leadership roles are generally: 1) trivialised by the media’s focus on how they look; 2) twice as likely to be painted emotionally as men are; and 3) cast as bitchy (i.e. Hilary Clinton) or pornified and ‘dizzified’ (i.e. Sarah Palin), while their credentials are constantly critiqued. By depicting women and girls as less competent and/or more sexualized than they truly are, the media dehumanizes, and more importantly disempowers women as they challenge the male dominated status quo.

Despite this, as director Gretchen Kelbaugh, demonstrates in her film Menocracy, it is of the utmost importance that women continue to challenge male power – especially in the political realm.

More on women, power, and the film Menocracy to come in part 2 of this post.

I’ve never been the biggest fan of being called ‘babe’ or ‘baby;’ maybe it’s because I’ve been ‘baby girl’ to my mother for as far back as I can remember; maybe it’s because I don’t like the idea of belonging to someone; or, maybe it’s just because I find it condescending. Who knows?  I’ve just never been very responsive to it.

But, when my City Boy calls me ‘babe,’ I get all squishy inside. I like that I’m his, I like it a lot. So, yesterday while we were chatting I let him know that I’m not seeing anyone else, which would typically make me nervous; but, this just felt right.

There was a moment on Monday when I realized he had me. Don’t worry, it wasn’t at hello but it was still pretty cheesy and I’m almost positive it’s a scene from just about every romcom you’ve ever seen; randomly, and without any music at all, he started dancing me around his kitchen. I was barely dressed and he was only wearing boxer briefs and a t-shirt, but he spun me around and that was it.

I’ve heard friends talk about the moment when they knew that their relationship was something big, but I had forgotten what it felt like to have my own “aha!” moment.

Before City Boy wandered into my life, I had forgotten so much about how good things can feel when you’re not constantly wondering if he’ll run away because you said or did the wrong thing. I feel like I’m waking up from a relationship coma; I wasn’t really happy with any of the boys I’ve dated since the big ex. I wanted to be happy. I desperately wanted to believe that I could find the same kind of love he found after me; so, I found love in men whose behavior I should never have tolerated.

When I woke up on Monday, I realized that things can be good without forcing them; and, I remembered what it can be like when you’re totally yourself with one person.

With Waiting Man I hid my impatience and put up with his need for a relationship without labels or any kind of commitment. With Country Boy I allowed myself to be an option rather than a priority and I made a million excuses for him. With City Boy I don’t hide myself; I don’t make excuses; and, I get to dance around in my underwear in his kitchen – because I actually get to see his kitchen. I never once went to Country Boy or Waiting Man’s home.

Life works in mysterious ways; maybe the bad relationships that followed the big ex helped me heal. I didn’t want to be alone, but I wasn’t ready for something real because I had to get over him first. So, now I’m awake and smiling and shiny and, some days, I even skip a little.

This article was originally published in May.

Ah, with spring in full bloom, it’s not surprising that love is in the air! If you want to impress your spring fling, forget the flowers and chocolates; they’re so cliché! Read a good book together. Here are my top five books that are guaranteed to woo even the most cynical of hearts. Give them a try and don’t forget that to always read between the lines when it comes to love.

Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
This collection of 44 love sonnets written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning between 1845 and 1846 for her, then, future husband Robert Browning, should be a poetry staple on your book lover’s shelf. Nevermind that that this collection contains some of the most famous love poems of the Victorian Age. Over time, it has proven that the changing nature of relationships, in all of its beauty and ugliness, has never been so eloquent.
64 pgs, Dover Publications, 1992 edition.

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez
Who hasn’t read this gripping Gabriel García Márquez story about the enduring power of true love and not wept or vomited? For all the bleeding hearts out there, this devastatingly beautiful tale of unrequited love (Florentino for Fermina) really proves that lovesickness can literally be an illness.
368 pgs, Vintage, 2007 edition.

The Love of a Good Woman by Alice Munro
If you’ve ever wondered what people would do for love, this collection of eight stories by Canada’s beloved Alice Munro is an essential read. Passion, in all of its crimes and secrets, propels Munro’s fascinating characters and those around them, to take some pretty risky and unexpected routes of discovery.
416 pgs, Penguin, 1999 edition.

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
This book, the touching tale about a young boy and a tree, speaks volumes of the ultimate act of self-sacrifice and can be enjoyed over and over by all of the loves in your life. Life’s greatest lessons are always this beautiful and this simple.
64 pgs, Programs and Genres, 2012 edition

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
There’s nothing like a bit of scandal and “a madwoman in the attic” to rock the foundation of true love. Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre, the story of a young, plain governess who falls in love with her Bryonic employer, unaware that he has a mad wife incarcerated in the attic, continues to scandalise readers even today.
576 pgs, Michael O’Mara, 2011 edition.