“Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.” It was the statement from a Toronto Police Service officer last year that rocked the entire city – a glaringly apparent display of inherent misogyny and institutionalised sexism. It was a message that rang loud and clear: victim blaming is alive and well in our fair city.

The reality is that comments like those of that officer to an entire audience at Osgoode Hall are not isolated incidents. Victim blaming has taken on new forms, and has subtly but quite intricately woven its way into the fabric of public opinion. It operates as a mechanism to keep victims silent and keep society comfortable. It keeps victims of sexual assaults questioning themselves and their own actions – maybe I shouldn’t have worn that skirt, maybe I shouldn’t have accepted his drink offer – and it allows the rest of society to shake their heads at the poor choices these loose women made that brought the entire situation onto themselves. Quite frankly, they were asking for it. Maybe next time, they’ll know better.

Because knowing better is of course the key. A radical shift has been made towards making victims take responsibility for the role they played in being assaulted. It’s an almost indiscernible shift, often masked as concern or education, but it is significant.

When did it become acceptable to respond to a rape investigation with questions about why the victim was wearing the type of underwear that she was wearing?

Why are judges handing out minor conditional sentences because of “inviting circumstances” like Manitoba Queen’s Bench Justice Robert Dewar or “an opportunistic event” like the judge in the case of Fernando Manuel Alves who pleaded guilty to sexual assault and was given nine months of probation?

We’ve failed to reach a societal understanding of the patriarchal and misogynistic core of sexual violence. It is about power and control, not about miniskirts and stilettos. These misconceptions are crippling victims, and allowing them to be re-victimized by a society who holds judgment and a justice system that places the onus on them.

Do women need to know how to protect themselves in crisis situations? Of course. But the conversation needs to shift back to equality and, in this case, the equal right to be free from violence and to feel safe in our homes, our workplaces, and our communities.

A message to victims of sexual assault: It’s not right.

It’s not your fault.

And it is a big deal.

Keep talking.

After two extra weeks of planning Mr. Unexpected and I are finally getting away from the city, which at this point we both desperately need. Desperately.

Tomorrow night after work we’re heading up to Viamede Resort for a little bit of a vacation from life— or in my case, from my phone. We need this; the past month has been a bit much for both of us.

I’ve never had a real relationship, but I didn’t know that until now; I used to brag that the Big Ex and I never fought, not ever. Until we did fight, big time, and that was the night that he broke my heart. But no fighting, no real discussions, all sunshine and rainbows all the damn time isn’t worth bragging about because it just means that you aren’t connected enough to talk about the real things. It took me a while to realize that and even longer to come to terms with the fact that I’d wasted over a year of my life with a man who never even bothered to introduce me to his family.

Mr. Unexpected and I talk about everything, from his desire to adopt a pug and name it Francis to my terrible relationship with my biological father to my desire to sit on a beach and write all day. But the past couple of weeks have been tough on him, and while we still talk I know he’s hurting and he’d rather not talk about it until he has a solution in hand. He’s incredibly talented and he’s worked his way up from the bottom so the idea that something he’s working on might not succeed breaks his heart and it breaks mine to watch it happen.

So we need a trip, we need the massages, the hiking and the in-room whirlpool tub; we need to be happy without thinking about all the work that waits for us when we get back home on Sunday night.

While I don’t have a solution to boyfriend’s problems, other than let’s run away for the weekend, I’m glad that I know about them, I’m glad that he’s including me on the not-so-shiny elements of his life and I’m glad that he trusts me enough to share with me.

I never knew what I was missing out on, I always thought that the Big Ex and I had a perfect relationship worthy of jealousy; I didn’t know that the reason things were so wonderful was because he never trusted me enough to share the bad parts of his life with me.

So for better or for worse I’ll be there for Mr. Unexpected, because for the first time in 25 years I have someone for whom I want to be there who is also willing to let me be there. Things might not always be perfect but perfect is boring anyway. Give me the mess, the fights, the smiles and the tears. I’ll take it all.

The dichotomy of work and play has been a long-standing dilemma in daily life. After two hours of commuting plus the eight-hour workday, it becomes difficult to get all “essentials” done, let alone squeeze in “me time.” Employees are working longer hours and daily errands or responsibilities are demanding an ever increasing amount of time. As tasks pile up, people quickly become overwhelmed. However, there are ways to juggle work responsibilities and still have time to yourself. Here are some tips for finding that balance in your life:

1. Take advantage of Sundays

• Take this day to prepare for the week. Make meal plans and go shopping to avoid mid-week, time-consuming runs to the grocery store. Divide snack foods into single serving containers so preparing meals or throwing together lunches is a simple task.

2. Schedule “me-time”

• When life gets hectic, taking time for yourself often gets put on the back burner. Plan blocks of time to do whatever makes you happy. Whether it’s 20 minutes to read your favourite novel or a full afternoon of browsing an art museum, make sure you have time to clear your head.

• Exercise, as important as it is, is often neglected. Join a gym or fitness class close to your workplace so you can go before or after work or even on your lunch break. Not only will this improve your health but your overall well-being will get a boost too.

3. Make meals easy

• Spend a weekend afternoon making food to last throughout the week. Soups, stews and chili can all be frozen in small portions, ensuring days of lunches and quick dinners.

• Prepare produce as soon as it’s purchased. Slicing up your vegetables not only saves time during the week, but also saves room in your fridge. As an added bonus, having pre-cut produce readily available leads to healthier snacking options.

• When cooking, clean up your mess as you make it. Wipe down cutting boards once you’re done chopping and wash pans as soon as you’re finished with them so that when you’re done eating, all that’s left to be cleaned are plates and cutlery.

4. Nurture relationships

• After an eight-hour day, it is tempting to go home, do what needs to be done and go straight to bed. To maintain happiness and balance in your life, however, it’s important to ensure that you sustain bonds with family and friends. Schedule enjoyable events and activities such as family hockey games, dinners with friends or trips to museums.

5. Set boundaries

• Don’t take work home with you. Avoid checking emails after work hours or staying up to work on reports or presentations. At the beginning of the week, prioritize your tasks and prepare a timeline so there are no late nights at the office.

Although it is difficult to brush our responsibilities aside, shortcuts can help keep them manageable. Upholding the importance of family, friends and personal time ensures that life is balanced and stable.

The marathon is considered to be, for many runners, the mother of all road races. For many it’s a big accomplishment, a commitment to train for the distance and often is a bucket list goal that, like an itch, is not going away until the proverbial scratch.

The inspiration of the marathon dates back to 490 B.C. where professional messengers, or runners, carried a lot more importance and prestige than they do today. Pheidippides was the legendary Greek messenger who was sent 26.2 miles to Athens to announce the Persians had been defeated in the Battle of Marathon. Having recently run back-to-back 140-mile mountainous treks to and from Sparta to seek military reinforcements, the run to Athens would be his last as soon after he died from exhaustion – and the world would never be the same.

These days running inspiration comes from within or from a local instructor, while others will try to emulate modern Olympic heroes. Here are a couple of recent quotes from running legends, each revealing their favorite marathons, to motivate you.

The world’s oldest marathoner, Fauja Singh, now 101, has run three different marathons– London, Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront and New York. Harmander Singh is his coach and translated via email, “He loved every moment of every run equally and he could not rank them as everyone was so nice to him wherever he went.” He continues, “About the three he said: ‘The London was my first and last marathon – it was also my home race. I set the fastest time and later became the first 100 year old in Toronto.’”

Running pioneer Kathrine Switzer was the first woman to officially run the Boston Marathon in 1967. “My favourite marathon is Boston, I’ve run it eight times and I plan to run it again in 2017, on the 50th anniversary of the famous 1967 race, my first marathon, where I encountered the Jock Semple incident (he tried to physically remove her from the course) and changed history. The reason I still love Boston the best is because of the tradition, the crowds who pack the route and understand the marathon, have grown up with it and view it as an annual rite of passage. Also, I love the undulating course. Lastly, I love how you have to qualify for (Boston).”

I hope the above quotes will motivate you the way they have for me. You may want to create a little room on the fridge door for this before you head out for your next run.

An update on Switzer: Kathrine Switzer will be appearing in the three-hour PBS/AOL landmark documentary, MAKERS–Women Who Make America, a compelling story of amazing women trailblazers.