April Fools: 5 easy ways to pick up chicks

Update: If you’re coming here after the morning of April 1st you might be a bit surprised to find our April Fool’s top story still up, but there is still some pretty good advice in here, so we decided to keep it up for anyone actually interested in picking up in a respectful way.

There’s nothing worse than slamming back a few Coors Lights with your bros surrounded by hotties only to go home empty handed.

Worry no more dude, these five tips for picking up chicks will net you more ladies than you know what to do with.

1) Respect her career ambitions

Chicks love it when you ask them about their work, big projects, and aspirations. Crazy, right? Give it a try anyway.

2) Don’t be sexually aggressive

There is nothing a hottie loves more than when you give her physical space, keep your hands to yourself, and don’t act like you have any ownership over her body. When she’s ready she’ll give it to you.

3) Let her open her own doors and pull out her own chairs

Modern women aren’t too impressed by moving small objects. Chicks with their own lives and careers even like to go dutch on dinner because they’ve like, got their own money and stuff.

4) Be a good communicator

Girls like to actually talk and stuff, so if you can put on your best act as a conversationalist before trying to get in her pants you might have a better shot.

5) Keep your eyes mostly on her eyes, not her boobs

This is a tricky one and goes against years of conditioning, but when you’re on a dutch date communicating with her about her career and not actually touching her boobs, try and keep your eyes in contact with hers and not focused on her boobs. I never said this would be easy boys.

With these tips handy you’ll have successfully fooled a chick into dating you, sleeping with you, and maybe even having a long term relationship with you.

Good luck bros!