Being single isn’t a death sentence, it isn’t even a bad thing, it just is. But those of us who are in relationships often act like we know better, we say condescending things, we attempt to set up our poor single friends with people they would never pick for themselves and we act like their lives are on hold because they haven’t settled down yet. It’s a little bit ridiculous when you think about it; actually it’s a lot ridiculous and completely insulting.

A couple of my friends recently found themselves single again and one of them mentioned that his friends have stopped talking about their relationships with him because they’re afraid of upsetting him. Really? Break-ups are terrible — but that doesn’t give us the right to treat our friends like they’re these fragile little creatures that will fall apart at the mere mention of a relationship. Your friends want you to be happy, break-up or not, they don’t need to be handled with kid gloves; your single friends are more than just single people, they are people with lives and jobs, they are far more than their relationship status.

A lot of my single girlfriends are single because they refuse to settle for someone that isn’t right, and instead of trying to fix them — newsflash — single isn’t code for broken. I respect them. It takes a lot of courage to fight for what you want in any aspect of your life, it takes a strong person to stand up for what they want. How about instead of looking at single people like they have some kind of terrible contagious disease we treat them like friends. It’s a novel concept isn’t it? Single people are people too. Crazy.

Being in a relationship doesn’t give me the right to gush constantly about how lucky I am to have found the love of my life it’s tacky and besides that I’ve got a lot of other things going on; a new job, a flourishing writing career and an unhealthy obsession with the Leafs. Boyfriend is not the only important thing in my life and he’s not the only thing my friends want to talk about.

I know we’ve all been guilty of it but starting every conversation with a girlfriend about their dating life or lack there of makes you seem like a boy crazy teenager and makes your friend feel like her life outside of her bedroom is unimportant. There’s enough pressure from society, from parents and from the world to hook up; no one needs to hear it while drinking cocktails and talking about the latest episode of American Horror Story.

I’m not sure when we all decided that being single was the absolute worst thing to ever happen to a person but we all need to stop it, now. Being in a relationship shouldn’t be a life goal, it won’t make you feel whole and it won’t pay the bills (usually) and it’s so vintage it’s practically hipster.

Follow Shannon on Twitter at @Shananigans.

Follow Women’s Post on Twitter at @WomensPost.

Everyone has had their heart broken – whether by family, friends, or boyfriends, we’ve all felt that crushing pain at some point. We’ve all cried and most of us have succumbed to at least one bad habit to make the pain go away. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think I’m better at relationships for having lived through the bad ones. However, problems arise when we drag issues from our past relationships into our current ones.

Starting a new relationship is hard enough without bringing in issues from your past. Making him pay for your insecurities is simply unfair.

My ex had issues with calling me his girlfriend. He didn’t like labels and he didn’t want me to meet his family because (or so he said) our relationship was about us and not about what his family or friends thought. I let that relationship go on for over a year and it didn’t end well. So as I walk into a new relationship should I be afraid that we haven’t put a label on it only a month in? Probably not.

We don’t make a new friend pay for the mistakes of an old one so why don’t we afford the same kindness to the men in our lives?  Why is it that we feel like it is somehow fair to judge new men on the behaviour of past ones? We live in a state of perpetual fear that we confuse for educated guesses.

The problem with treating relationships like a continuous learning process is that people are individual and unique. People aren’t formulaic; memorizing the habits of one man does not mean you understand all men.

That emotional baggage we insist on lugging around puts us at a disadvantage, turning us into needy, tearful, women. Even the best man can’t handle the burden of his own sins in addition to those of the men who came before him. Just imagine if you had to suffer for all the mistakes his past girlfriends made. Not a pretty picture is it?

Follow Shannon on Twitter at @Shananigans.

Follow Women’s Post on Twitter at @WomensPost.

Why is there so much pressure to tie the knot?

Maybe it’s the time of year or maybe it’s because over-sharing is a thing these days but it seems like everyone is getting engaged. Every day there’s a new person on Facebook sharing a picture of a big shiny bauble that now sits on their left hand inspiring jealousy and inviting congratulations.

Yesterday Boyfriend and I were being ridiculous on Facebook — we’re not immune to over-sharing or bouts of nausea inducing adorableness; almost immediately after seeing the adorableness a mutual friend of ours sent me a Facebook message that said two words: “Marry him.”

Woah, hold the phone right there friend. I’m not ready to get hitched I’m not even sure I want to get married, ever.

It’s funny that as soon as you’re in a stable relationship for a period of time your friends start assuming that there are wedding bells and churches in your future; I expect these kinds of questions from my mum and my stepdad but when my friends put the pressure on it’s a little ridiculous. I’d like to think that insisting Boyfriend and I tie the knot is just their way of saying that they like him, that they think we work well together or maybe they just really need a big party with free booze and plenty of dancing.

I wish my friends would chill for half a second and remember that Boyfriend and I aren’t exactly traditional people, we’re not dying to walk down the aisle and when people ask if I want babies I say, “Yes! I want all the fur babies.” Because I want many puppies and no kids, kids have sticky jam hands, and 9 months without a glass of red wine sounds like some kind of draconian punishment. I love my friends kids, I’ve even planned a cookie baking day with my friend’s twins because baking with small people is fun, but I really only want to hang out with the tiny humans if I can return them to their people at the end of the day.

When I look into my future Boyfriend is there but I don’t see him at the end of the aisle I see a house in the city with two dogs and a cat, I see vacations to far off places and dinner parties where my friends drink just a little too much; my perfect future is within my grasp but there’s no white dress there and that should be OK.

While it’s unlikely that you’ll ever see a big diamond on my left hand I’m no less committed to Boyfriend, I’m no less in love and we’re still very much planning our totally dorky ridiculous future together.  So my darling friends, the next time you ask me something to do with marriage I’m just going to make up something insane; I’ll tell you that we’ve decided to move to a commune where we will give up all of our material possessions and become vegans. Never mind, no one would ever believe that we’d give up steak and new episodes of Doctor Who.

Follow Shannon on Twitter at @Shananigans.

Follow Women’s Post on Twitter at @WomensPost.

I’m not sure that I believe in love at first sight, I believe in interest at first sight, I knew the minute that I met Boyfriend that I was interested; but I didn’t love him when we met standing in line for a movie on a cold September night. I loved him when he showed up at my house with a smile cookie for no reason, I loved him when he held my hand through my mum’s illness and I loved him when he gave me a zombie version of himself for our anniversary. As romantic as the idea of love at first sight is love doesn’t happen in a second it happens over time.

Now after over a year together and still going strong I find myself thinking about the future — because it’s not my future any more, it’s our future, and I’m ready to take the next step.  After a year or so of dating at 26 the next step feels to me like it should be moving in together but Boyfriend thinks of moving in together as a huge step, to him it’s practice for a life together and not a decision to be made lightly. So now I’m wondering when it will happen.

Will we be ready to move in together this summer? Will we be ready in another year? Will it be two more years?

I don’t want to fall into the big city trap of moving in too soon because it’s cheaper than paying rent on your own I’ve seen couples move in far too soon and fall apart because of it; if you’re not ready to live with your partner moving in too early can spell relationship doom but what if one of you feels ready and the other doesn’t?

It’s not that Boyfriend doesn’t ever see us moving in together, we talk about what it will be like when we live together, we talk about where we’d want to live and the dogs he wants to get someday. But it’s all talk for now and the planner who lives in my head wants times, dates and locations; I know it will happen one day but I hate the idea of leaving my life up to maybes.

Sometimes I feel like we’re moving too slowly for my taste. Maybe it’s because I see friends who’ve been together for less time or maybe it’s because I see girls younger than me are getting engaged and starting their lives. Boyfriend says that if we’re going to end up together there’s no need to rush and while a part of me believes that another part thinks that if we’re going to be together there’s no reason to wait.

I’m probably over-thinking things; I’m letting my friends set the pace for my own life which is beyond a little ridiculous. Boyfriend is right: if we’re going to be together there isn’t a reason to rush anything. Instead of always freaking out that I’m not moving in the right direction I should probably settle down and just enjoy the life I have now.

Follow Shannon on Twitter at @Shananigans.

Follow Women’s Post on Twitter at @WomensPost.