I’ve never been the biggest fan of being called ‘babe’ or ‘baby;’ maybe it’s because I’ve been ‘baby girl’ to my mother for as far back as I can remember; maybe it’s because I don’t like the idea of belonging to someone; or, maybe it’s just because I find it condescending. Who knows?  I’ve just never been very responsive to it.

But, when my City Boy calls me ‘babe,’ I get all squishy inside. I like that I’m his, I like it a lot. So, yesterday while we were chatting I let him know that I’m not seeing anyone else, which would typically make me nervous; but, this just felt right.

There was a moment on Monday when I realized he had me. Don’t worry, it wasn’t at hello but it was still pretty cheesy and I’m almost positive it’s a scene from just about every romcom you’ve ever seen; randomly, and without any music at all, he started dancing me around his kitchen. I was barely dressed and he was only wearing boxer briefs and a t-shirt, but he spun me around and that was it.

I’ve heard friends talk about the moment when they knew that their relationship was something big, but I had forgotten what it felt like to have my own “aha!” moment.

Before City Boy wandered into my life, I had forgotten so much about how good things can feel when you’re not constantly wondering if he’ll run away because you said or did the wrong thing. I feel like I’m waking up from a relationship coma; I wasn’t really happy with any of the boys I’ve dated since the big ex. I wanted to be happy. I desperately wanted to believe that I could find the same kind of love he found after me; so, I found love in men whose behavior I should never have tolerated.

When I woke up on Monday, I realized that things can be good without forcing them; and, I remembered what it can be like when you’re totally yourself with one person.

With Waiting Man I hid my impatience and put up with his need for a relationship without labels or any kind of commitment. With Country Boy I allowed myself to be an option rather than a priority and I made a million excuses for him. With City Boy I don’t hide myself; I don’t make excuses; and, I get to dance around in my underwear in his kitchen – because I actually get to see his kitchen. I never once went to Country Boy or Waiting Man’s home.

Life works in mysterious ways; maybe the bad relationships that followed the big ex helped me heal. I didn’t want to be alone, but I wasn’t ready for something real because I had to get over him first. So, now I’m awake and smiling and shiny and, some days, I even skip a little.

Last week I told you about the crush, the one keeping my thoughts from constantly straying to Country Boy. This week I’ve realized exactly why I’ve chosen this boy to crush on – because he’s completely inappropriate and nothing can ever happen there.

With Country Boy MIA for another 12 days I need someone to fantasize about, so that I don’t constantly wonder where Country Boy is, how he’s doing, and if I could be of more help as the supportive partner rather than the one giving him his space. The boy I’ve picked to fantasize about is one that I could never date.  He’s sweet and charming and he makes excuses to see me most days, but he’s not really available emotionally and he’s too in my life to ever be without drama – the perfect object of desire because, even if I wanted to act on my desires, the relationship would never work out.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this and the way I see my crush is very much like the way I see a celebrity crush, nothing could ever happen so I can go ahead and fantasize without ever risking my existing relationship with Country Boy. But, I also feel like, if in 12 days things don’t work out, if the break was less of a break and more of a break-up, I’ll be ready to move on, I won’t feel so lonely and lost because I’ll have been thinking about other boys in the context of a relationship, like a nicotine patch for love.

I’ve always had difficulty moving on. I’ve always been the what-if girl, running all the possible scenarios in which a former relationship could have worked out through my head; in the end this results in more heartache and pain, when you’re thinking about the what-if it’s almost impossible to commit to someone new.

At this point I’m not looking to move on, but I do want to prepare myself for all the possibilities. I don’t want to walk into our next date with a naïve sense of hope; I want to be smart and practical and let my head take the lead from my heart.

Practicality and logic have never been my strong suits; I’m a dreamer and a hopeless romantic who desperately wants to believe in the all-consuming power of love.  But love doesn’t always happen the way we want it to; sometimes we fall in love with a man who can’t love us back, sometimes we fall in love at the wrong time or with the wrong man – it’s worse than finding a needle in a haystack; it’s finding a soul mate on a planet with billions of people.

So, this time I’m trying to be practical. I’m accepting that maybe things won’t work out and I have to be ready for that. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on Country Boy, it just means that I’m planning for the best and preparing for the worst.

But in all honesty, 12 days from now I hope to have a sweaty, sloppy, kisses and butterflies kind of story to share with you.

Good people inspire you to be better; they push you to be the best version of yourself without ever being pushy. City Boy, unlike any boy that came before, inspires me to be the best version of myself.

With Country Boy I was always trying to be the version of myself that he wanted. I so desperately wanted to be what he wanted me to be that I lost what makes me great – my fire. City Boy likes that I’m feisty; he thinks my quirkiness is cute; and, he believes in me, and that is something worth holding on to.

We were talking over Facebook chat about three weeks ago and he told me that he thought I had an entrepreneurial spirit. He said that at heart he thinks I’m an entrepreneur; coming from a man who has developed several businesses, this is an incredible compliment.

Since that conversation I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want from my life and my career. I love my job; if I could give it a big nerdy hug – I would. But in the long run, do I want to work for someone else? Probably not. Entrepreneurial women have always been my heroes; but, sometimes I forget that. I get caught up in the day to day and forget the long term goals. With City Boy in my life I don’t ever forget about my dreams, because he pushes me to go after them.

I’m finally going to finish my book; I’m going to look into more speaking engagements; I’m going to blog more and start video blogging my incredible rants and raves about life. I’m going to use the passion and fire that I am so often complimented on to follow my dreams, whatever they may be. All of this is thanks to City Boy and his place in my life.

Good relationships make you want to be better for each other, but great relationships make you want to be better for each other and yourselves. I want him to be proud of me, the way I am of him, but more than that, I want to be proud of myself.

Without his encouraging smile that somehow sets my heart on fire and makes everything else go away, I would still be dreaming of doing incredible things instead of going for them.

If after two years of sharing my loves with you, you have learned anything from me, I hope that it’s this: find someone who makes you smile; find someone who makes your heart skip a bea,t but most importantly, find someone who makes you want to be the best possible version of yourself.  Find someone who inspires you in new and exciting ways every single day.

Making sacrifices for loved ones seems to be a part of human nature; a friend needs help moving, a family member needs a loan, the boy you’re dating is starting another business and needs you to be understanding and accommodating. In my case, no one needs help moving, or a loan, but City Boy needs me to be understanding, patient, and accommodating – all of which are incredibly hard for me to do.

Last week I talked about the moment I felt it all get real, the moment I realized that he was different, that I cared about him more than Country Boy, Waiting Man, and the Big Ex all combined. It’s not just butterflies this time, it’s more than that; it’s the knowledge that I want him in my life for a long, long time.

People tell you that when you meet the person you’re supposed to be with, you just know. This is it. Whatever trials and tribulations life brings your way, this person is the person you’re supposed to be with; and, if it’s a rocky road full of sacrifices, that doesn’t matter because the end result is being with someone you care deeply about.

I thought I was in love with the Big Ex, but his parting words to me were that I deserved someone who loved me beyond reason, someone who was crazy about me, someone who I was just as crazy about and as much as he hurt me – he was right. He understood that we were a temporary thing, there for each other when we both needed it, but I led him on the path to his bride, and he led me on the path to understanding myself.

But, it isn’t going to be easy with City Boy; I can’t be priority one in his life, he loves his work and he’s starting something amazing. Instead of being jealous I find myself being proud of him, incredibly inspired by his vision not just for himself but for me. City Boy challenges me, he wants more for me – he told me once that I have an entrepreneurial spirit, that he likes that about me. So, I’ve been thinking about finishing the book I’ve been writing for so long; I’ve been thinking about starting a business on the side; I’ve been thinking about doing more speaking engagements. The bottom line is that he doesn’t just make me a better person, he makes me a better version of myself.

I have to understand that I can’t be his first priority; I will come in second to the business he’s building and I will have to go stretches of time without seeing him while he creates this incredible thing. But, this is such a small sacrifice because he’s the first man in my life to push me to do more, bigger, better.

City Boy is the only man I’ve ever truly seen a future with. If it takes a while to get there, I won’t worry, because, when he looks at me, I melt.