Zahra Peer Mohammed, Author at Womens Post

It baffles me and angers me at the same time. My husband and I are tucked in bed. He scrolls through his Facebook newsfeed as do I. After around 10 minutes, we turn our iPads off, kiss each other goodnight, and prepare to sleep.

That’s where it all changes. While I am still making mental notes about what I am going to wear in the morning, I hear a faint snore. It doesn’t even astonish me anymore, but I still turn around to check. Yup, peaceful as a baby; my husband is always asleep way before I am.

It’s like every night he tries to race me and humiliates me with the low hum of his snoring not even five minutes into the competition — and it’s not that I don’t try to beat him. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and force my brain to just think “black.” I stay cocooned in one position and try to relax. Yes, I make a conscious effort. While I’m trying my darndest to enter slumberland, my husband is asleep!

How does he do it? Why can’t I do it?

When I asked him how he bags the zzzs so fast, he said, “It’s simple. I just think about cars, and I am in my happy place.”

I suppose I could try it. I’d probably be so bored that I wouldn’t even have to try to fall asleep.

Fact of the matter is that it makes no difference as to how hard I try; I just can’t switch my brain off. At some point during my active perusal of thinking “black” my mind subconsciously drifts towards what I will cook tomorrow. Then I think about and the catty comment my aunt’s nephew’s son posted on a picture I put up on Facebook and then I think of a million ways to respond to him. When I’m done, I imagine running into him on the street and mentally prepare the cool and calm encounter I’ll have with him. Of course I’ll exit with a catty comment of my own.

“Think black, think black,” my brain abruptly reprimands me. Yes of course, I forgot about the black.

Right then, my husband let’s out an ear-splitting snore. It’s as if he’s mocking me. Exasperated and now even stressed, I squeeze my eyes shut again.

Um, now I’m thirsty.

I try to ignore the thirst that has dried out my tongue as if I’ve been traveling under the desert sun for hours, but it’s no use. I sigh and get up for a glass of water because if I don’t, there’s really no way I can focus on thinking “black.”

Back in bed and now content, I can refocus on sleeping again.

It’s working! My brain is blank. I’ll soon be joining my husband, defeated, but not beaten yet! My breathing gets heavier and my brain lighter — just then, my bladder perks up and reminds me about the glass of water I just downed. It’s really a no-win situation.

I head to the bathroom and prepare to be defeated again the next night, and the next, and the next.

Follow Zahra on Twitter at @ZahraPeer.

Follow Women’s Post on Twitter at @WomensPost.

Boys like video games. Turns out, when they grow up and become men, they still like video games – trust me, I know. I made a dreadful mistake two years ago and I am still paying the price for it. As the devoted and loving wife that I am, I carefully analyzed different presents for Valentine’s Day that would bring my husband the most joy. Then, I foolishly settled on the most evil of them all. I presented my husband with, what I thought at the time, would be the best Valentine’s Day present ever: I bought him a Play Station 3 (PS3).

As he opened his present on February 14, my husband’s face lit up and in that moment, he absolutely worshipped me. In many ways, it really was the best present ever – but only for him. For me, it was a death sentence. I had dug my own marital grave; I had flung my husband into the arms of the enemy.

The initial outburst of love was to be the last emotion I ever drew from my husband. From then on, all of his affections were devoted to the dreaded machine. Day in and day out, the only thing that mattered was the PS3. I became completely secondary. The only words I would hear uttered in my direction now were “Get out of the way.”

Even when we had company at home, I never had company. Everybody who walked through the doors of our home was roped in by the magic of the malicious PS3. Initially, I tried my very best to be part of the merriment, but try as I may to befriend the enemy, the enemy hated me. I was absolutely no good at any game, and rather than spending some time with my husband, I ended up securing his wrath because I made a terrible teammate.

Ladies, take it from me, that fleeting moment of your husband’s adoration when you hand him the gaming console is not worth the lifetime of agony that you will undoubtedly face after you become a nonexistent entity in front of the Play Station.

There are much better gifts out there, more suited to both of you this Valentine’s Day, than a gaming console. Go with a wallet or cologne this year. Subsidize the gift by very generously offering your husband the opportunity to go to his friend’s house to play Xbox or Play Station. This would make the perfect gift.

Do not fool yourself into thinking that buying your husband a gaming console will secure his adoration for your forever.

Take it from a Play Station Widow, we live a hard life and you do not want to join the club.