By George Patrick
Imagine, if you can, a new and better Canada — a Canada free of those vices that cause so much havoc in our lives — a Canada free of alcohol, cigarettes, illegal drugs, and gambling.
Imagine a booze-free Canada where drunken drivers no longer slaughter innocents, leaving devastated families behind.
Think of a Canada where there is no tobacco addiction. Think of the enormous savings on healthcare if nobody smoked.
Imagine a Canada free of illegal drugs. No more pathetic addicts and the crimes they commit to feed their habits.
And imagine no gambling. No lives ruined, and no families destroyed, by the uncontrollable need to place one more bet, play one more slot, buy one more lottery ticket, back one more horse.
Can you imagine a Canada like that? As a nation, Canada would undoubtedly be much healthier and wealthier. Crime would go down, prisons would close, police forces shrink. In short, Canada would be a much better society. Who could not want that?
Of course, to bring about this new Canada, there would need to be a strong central government commanding support in all regions of the country, and unfortunately, that is rarely the case in Canada. Typically, the Liberals are weak in the West, the Conservatives are weak in Ontario. The government might need some outside support — some temporary back-up — in its laudable attempt to stamp out the terrible addictions that plague our society.
So let’s imagine once again. This time imagine a new, cutting edge international force — the New Addiction Transformation Organization (or NATO for short). At the behest of the United Nations, it intervenes in Canada to bolster the weak central government in its noble pursuit of a new improved, non-addictive Canada. It quickly sets about bulldozing casinos, smashing slot machines and liquor stores, turning Woodbine Racetrack into an organic farm, and spraying Agent Orange on BC marijuana fields.
Around the country many people resent this assault on their traditional way of life. Opposition grows. Angry citizens begin to purchase large amounts of ammo for their unregistered firearms. Increasingly, the NATO forces are seen as invaders trying to force their alien ways on the Canadian people. Illegal booze, cigarettes and weapons flood in from the USA.
The slaughter, destruction, chaos and terror seep into every corner of Canadian society. After seven years and thousands of deaths, NATO throws up its hands, declares victory and skedaddles.
Within 12 months, Canada is showing signs of recovery. Jack Daniels is once again plentiful; racetracks and casinos spring up again; more people than ever before are smoking; and junkies lie around with needles in their arms. Canada is Canada once again. And they all live happily ever after (sort of). The End.
OK, you’re right. This story isn’t really about Canada at all. It’s a fiendishly cunning literary device to make a point about our involvement in Afghanistan.
Chances are, nothing like my little fairy tale will ever happen here. How strange then that people think we can intervene in utterly alien, primitive tribal societies and transform them in a few short years into some kind of liberal democracy.
Sooner or later, our intervention will fail; the people of Europe and Canada will demand the recall of NATO forces; the corrupt, ineffectual, and unpopular “democratic” government will fall; some Talibanish kind of theocracy will return; and the girls schools will become schools where boys will learn radical Islamicist propaganda. I wish it weren’t so, but that is almost certainly what is going to happen. Anyone who thinks this Afghan venture is going to have a happy ending is dreaming in technicolour, and unfortunately the dream is being paid for with Canadian blood.
First published in Dec. 2006