acceptance Archives - Womens Post

Living December 31, 2017

Don’t fall for the fads this New Years, Toronto

I was watching television last night when it started — the parade of weight loss commercials encouraging women to join and lose those 10 pounds. The sheer number of advertisements being pushed on social media is just as disgusting. I can only imagine the affect this has on younger women who are already struggling with their body image.

To be clear, I am not opposed to seeking out aide in weight loss. Some weight loss programs can be incredibly helpful and can offer support to those struggling with their journey. But, these decisions are incredibly personal, and women (and men for that matter) should know there is no such thing as a quick fix. Any program promising you a 10lb loss in one or two weeks is bullshit — which means that most of them are bullshit.

This is the biggest problem with New Years. Most people treat January 1 as a reset, a time to set goals and work towards becoming your “ideal self”. It’s like all of a sudden, people reflect on the worst parts of themselves and try to come up with a plan to change them.

What some fail to realize is that things like the happiness that comes from something like changing your appearance can also come from confidence and acceptance. Instead of focusing on a number on a scale, try to learn something new. Set a goal to run a 5k, learn to skate, or go on a hike every month. Maybe it is something artistic like painting or taking up creative writing? By becoming active in something new, you gain confidence and focus that you can channel to other areas of your life.

It’s also about knowing that you can’t change overnight. If change is really what you want, you have to take it in steps. You need to be content with the journey or else you will become disappointed when you don’t achieve your goals quickly enough. Be kind to yourself. Be confident in your abilities. And know that you are perfect the way you are.

But, if weight loss is your goal for 2018 — and there is nothing I can say to change your mind — here are a few things you need to know:

A program can help, but it is not a magic solution. Do your research and make sure your program does not deprive you of a whole food group and that it works for your lifestyle. Remember that whatever you choose, you must also be able to afford it financially. Many of these programs are not cheap in the long run, despite the New Year discounts available.
A safe and steady weight loss is 1-2 lbs a week. Sometimes, it is less, and that is okay! Remember, it is better to lose slowly than to lose quickly — as most people who do lose weight quickly gain it all back within a year.
Anything with a pill is most likely not good for you. The same goes for any company that insists juices and cleanses that promise you a drop on the scale.
The best way to lose weight is to eat healthier and move your body. Be active. Enjoy life to the fullest.

I am, of course, not an expert. The advice above is from personal experience. Please consult your doctor for more information.

Best of luck in the New Year!

Book Reviews March 28, 2017

The poetic justice of growing old and letting go in “The Analyst”

“It’s always backwards in analysis, isn’t it?,” poet Molly Peacock asks in her new collection.

The Analyst by Molly Peacock is a book of poetry that explores the evolution of relationships as people grow older over time, and how these emotions can be captured and understood through the process of creative license. The anthology of poems is based on the author’s relationship with her therapist, Joan Workman Stein, who she met in New York when she was a young woman and stayed in contact with for several years. Stein suffers a stroke and Peacock, once the patient, becomes a caregiver in helping her therapist recover.

The book is separated into four parts, Part One: The Pottery Jar; Part Two: The Hours; Part Three: Ruby Roses, Kiss Goodbye; and Part Four: Whisper of Liberty. Each section follows the two friends through the initial shock of having a loved one experience a stroke, helping them recover, letting go of their lost capacities and accepting their new self. Peacock helps Stein to rediscover her lost love of art, and it ultimately becomes the tool that brings her back to life.

Peacock ultimately realizes that Stein helping her all of those years prepared her to return the favour when her therapist reaches old age and needs someone to be there. In the final poem, “Mandala in the Making”, she states, “Only when something’s over can its shape materialize,” thus showing that life is a series of evolutionary cycles repeating themselves throughout time. The Analyst uses a deeply creative means to show how people can never know quite what certain events their lives truly mean until they have passed.

The set of poems employs subtle references and the author’s own experiences to lead the reader down a path of understanding long-term relationships and how they change as people grow older. Oftentimes, poetry seeks to avoid the more disgusting facts of aging, and focuses instead on the beauty of youth and love. Peacock avoids this pattern and faces the gruesome realities that lie behind having a stroke and losing the capacity to be fully functional that is ultimately a result of aging. In “The Canning Jar”, it is almost hard to swallow the description of the dead rabbit in the St. Lawrence Market, but the reader is forced to contend with death and ultimately reconcile with it.

Overall, Peacock takes the mundane and turns it into art. Growing old is by no means special, but her changed relationship with her therapist puts her in a position to see how letting go of the old self is always a singularly unique and beautiful experience no matter how it happens or who it happens with. The journey of The Analyst becomes exceptional precisely because it turns the tragedy of a stroke into the miracle of rebirth when Stein embraces becoming an artist and let’s go of being a therapist.

This book of poems is a great read, especially for someone looking to reconcile with an aging loved one. Peacock engages with the trauma of watching her friend be affected by a stroke and the reader can feel her desperation and eventual acceptance. Take a chance on The Analyst and it will leave you wondering which relationships will change and evolve over time and how each person will meet their own limitations of mortality.

Feminism November 8, 2016

How to fight off that pesky PMS

If you Google “how to handle PMS”, a lovely box appears at the top of your screen with a useful list of topics on how to “treat” mood swings. According to most of the links associated with the topic, a girl should simply exercise, avoid caffeine and sweets, eat small meals, and try to manage or reduce stress.

Thanks Google. Helpful.

The problem is that PMS (or Premenstrual Syndrome) generally makes you want to curl up in a corner under blankets instead of venturing outside to use an exercise bike, makes you crave sugar and salt to such an extent that you want to eat a whole bowl of mac and cheese by yourself; and makes you stress about stupid things that don’t matter. Obviously, if women avoided all of these things life would be easier, but the problem is that PMS makes us feel like we can’t!

My PMS is terrible. It lasts almost a full week leading up to my time of the month, and during that week, I’m a mess. I never know if I’m going to be happy, sad, frustrated, or angry. It takes me 30 minutes to decide what to wear in the morning because nothing looks good on me anymore (it doesn’t matter if I wore it the week before and received compliments).

There is no “cure” or “treatment”, despite what some magazines will tell you. There are, however, some things you can do to try to alleviate the mood swings a little bit. Here are a few:

The first is all about acceptance — do what you need to do to feel better. If you want to eat chocolate and lie in bed while watching a rom-com, do it! And don’t feel guilty! It’s important to give yourself time to heal and relax. Take a day for yourself and do the things you’ve wanted to do over the last few weeks. Avoid the people in your life who are confrontational. However, if you are feeling especially down, make sure there is someone around you can talk to. Make sure the friend or family member you choose is non-judgemental and can handle the silly freak outs.

Don’t forget to take your supplements! You may be losing some of your body’s natural magnesium, as well as vitamins B and E. Calcium supplements have been said to help alleviate some of the symptoms of PMS like bloating.

In terms of physical activity — yes, it’s true that exercise can relieve stress, anxiety, and boost endorphins, which can improve your mood. But, let’s face it. If I leave the house during days I’m experiencing PMS, that’s a miracle.

Instead, focus on stretching at home. Get a yoga mat and look up a few simple workouts on Youtube. Do some meditation and soft movements. This will help alleviate those pent-up emotions and relax both your mind and body. Go for a nice walk outside if you are able. Nature can have a calming effect and the walk will give you time to come to terms with the emotions you are dealing with. If you feel like doing a bit more, but still would rather avoid the gym, try a Jillian Michaels yoga video (I promise you it is unlike any meditative yoga you’ve done before).

Get creative and make a plan. This is not something recommended by doctors, but it does work for me. Instead of focusing on all of the supposedly terrible decisions I’ve made, I try to think of new good decisions I will make the following week. For example, I will go get some healthy food from the store so that when I’m feeling more up to it, I have the ingredients to do some baking. The whole process of planning important decisions is calming and relaxing — and it makes you feel like something positive is coming from that pesky PMS.

What’s important is to realize that being slightly crazy for a few days of the month is simple biology. It’s normal. So, don’t sweat it. Do what you need to do to get through this tough and uncomfortable time, and then move on! And also don’t listen to Google — it doesn’t understand women like you do.

Do you have any suggestions or recommendations to alleviate some of the symptoms of PMS? Leave a note in the comments below!