Toronto’s Worst Missed Connections: January + 2013 All-Star Edition

Love can be so fleeting. A stranger’s split second of eye contact can mean more than years of a relationship. Our hearts are great untamed beasts that know no bounds and can pine for someone that we never even knew. The poetry of our emotions is a never ending tale.

What better way to find the love of your life than by posting an ad in the same place you’d buy a used futon?

Get ready for January’s worst Missed Connections. If you haven’t already lost your faith in humanity and stoped believing in love keep reading for Toronto’s absolute All-Star worst Missed Connections of 2013!
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1. It is really hard to focus on household nude photography to the music of The Offspring with your wallet missing.

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2. But not nearly as cute as that ass.

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3. “I don’t even want to ask you out, I was just wondering if your butt has ever considered a career as a hypnotist.”

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4. Wait, I don’t think we are talking about groceries anymore.

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5. If someone fetishizing your disability interrupted you in the middle of a phone call you’d probably give him the finger, this guy just didn’t have that option.

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Toronto’s Worst Missed Connections: 2013 All-Stars

1. Single folks take note, this is a textbook example of how to treat people you want to have sex with. Just kidding, only if you are Chris Brown.

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2. Who says sexual assault isn’t romantic? Oh that’s right, everyone.

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3. Step 1: Find woman.
Step 2: Say some awful things.
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Sex. (Duh!)



4. “Please treat me like garbage, but don’t actually treat me like garbage.”
Is there any way to forward Craigslist posting directly to WebMD for signs of undiagnosed mental illness?



5. Let’s get together and hate babies.



6. The least interesting this about this post is that both guys were named Rob.



7. It really saves time to write one Missed Connections post instead of two.



8. Nothing is more attractive than tears and the topic of domestic violence. Drinks?



9. Beard on beard poetry.



10. Drumroll please. The worst Missed Connection in Toronto for the year of 2013 is none other than TTC Stabbing Guy.




Follow Travis on Twitter at @TravMyers.

CRAIGSLIST: How to make sure you never get laid in three short sentences.

As you already know, we here at WP have a certain fondness for missed connections. There is something so romantic about the idea of that fleeting glimpse that could lead to more and the possibility of a relationship blossoming on the off chance of your predestined lover posting an ad for you. It harkens back to the fairy tale Prince Charming searching all across the kingdom for the beauty who left her slipper at the ball. Deep down we all really want to believe in love at first sight.

That being said, this next missed connection is probably the worst example of the form. Fellas, take note, this is How To Never Get Laid 101. Our souls (and probably Eglinton station) need a deep Purell cleanse.

We can tell you with certainty that this is not how you should think about strangers. Buddy, the reason she kept looking away is obviously because you are a slimeball and regular human beings, you know, the ones who want to be treated with a modicum of respect, want nothing to do with you.

Warning, this guy uses some naughty language.

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Follow Women’s Post on Twitter for all the latest in awful missed connections. @WomensPost

Meddling parents make for most frightening Craigslist personal ad ever

And you thought your parents were bad.

We got a hold of this example of a weird set of meddling parents who last year took to the internet to find a “suitable girlfriend” for their grown son. Sure, just like how your mom keeps trying to set you up with that nice young man who works in your father’s office. Except these guys are set that their son doesn’t even like his girlfriend and only dates her because she has an apartment downtown he can sleep over at to avoid morning traffic. I think mom and dad here have a pretty skewed idea of what takes place when a man and a woman have a sleepover.

The kind of lady who would scheme with a guy’s parents to swap out an old girlfriend probably isn’t the classiest of classy ladies, FYI.

As for the current girlfriend, this girl has “loose morals” and must be stopped before any “accidents” happen.

Yikes. Here’s hoping that their “looker” of a son chose the right people to break up with.

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Follow Travis on Twitter: @travmyers