girl power Archives - Womens Post

Moving in with a boyfriend is an exciting and life-changing experience. It can also highlight some of the less flattering realities of living with a stinky man-bear and his habits. Luckily, I have managed to discover a few solutions.

One of the more difficult aspects of living with someone is how you both deal with cleanliness. There is nothing worse than having a roommate (not to mention a bedmate) that is too messy. For me, the limit is the difference between being dirty and messy. If someone leaves clothes on the floor or keeps collections of odds and ends — that is acceptable. If your partner leaves garbage on the floor or lets dishes collect until there are new insect roommates moving in, that is an immediate red flag that you will end up being more of a maid than a girlfriend. I’m blessed to have a messy boyfriend and not one that is dirty. If you have a partner who is inherently disgusting, training can help the situation, but it may take more work than it’s worth ladies.

I’ve always lived in my girly zen zone. It smelled nice, there were decorations, and everything had a place. Now, I have smelly socks hanging from my jewellery stand and I can’t seem to ever locate my brush (I should mention my boyfriend has long locks). The lady cave I built has been infiltrated by a man, who is half bear when he wakes up in the morning.

Though this would leave many women running for the hills, I can honestly say I’ve never been happier. My perfectly clean apartment was lovely no doubt, but there is nothing better than coming home and being met with a smiling man you love, especially one that has a couple glasses of wine and dinner on the table. Love is messy girls. It is stinky and it is unorganized. Love has required me to give up any pretences of perfection I’ve carried with me for years. But perfection be damned. It isn’t worth it to have a show home and give up actually learning how to compromise space and love someone for who they are and how they live.

Compromise is key. It is important that both parties feel they have a stake in what an apartment looks like. An example is moving over my vintage Patti Smith artwork to make room for a Toronto Maple Leafs poster beside it. It looks better with both anyways. My boyfriend also knows how insane I get over clothes on the floor. It is a pet peeve. So, to meet in the middle, we have a corner that is solely his. He can dump his clothes, and anything else he wants, in this area and I can’t bother him about it. I’ve come to accept this messy area and by keeping it contained, we are both happy.

Open communication is a must. Talking about expectations, financial plans, and emotional needs BEFORE moving in is essential.. To make things simple and functional, try making a schedule of tasks that need to be done around the house. For example, my boyfriend and I pick a day to clean, and contribute equally by splitting cleaning, dishes, and cooking right down the middle to avoid any resentments.

Be prepared to learn the oddest things about your partner. For example, my boyfriend collects receipts. Not just a few, but ALL of them. Apparently, he has this epic plan to file them all (this will never happen). I find them everywhere and quietly dispose of them when he isn’t looking. It is a quirky, albeit adorable, habit that I’ve learned to accept. On my end, apparently I can’t brush my teeth without looking like I just dunked my face into a bowl of ice cream. It is juvenile and gross, but my man laughs about it when we brush our teeth in the morning.

The bottom line is quite simple — Learn to love the mess. Moving in together is a hectic and exciting process of getting to know all the habits and quirks of your loved one. Previously, I had this idea that if you lived together, all the mystery of that person disappears. I thought this would be a bad thing. Instead, the fact that two individuals with different habits and histories can come together and grow as one is truly mysterious and magical. We only have one tender moment to love after all and then we are gone. So take the leap and make room on the bookshelf. I wish you the best in your pursuit of the madness of the mess. It is one of the best adventures to embark on.

When I found out I was going to have a daughter, I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I was happy because I knew I could build a strong connection and felt, as a single mom, a little girl was a blessing for me. On the other hand, I felt apprehensive because being a girl in this world is no easy task.

Between sexual exploitation, unfair treatment in the working world, and an ever-continuing expectation for girls to be sweet and never get dirty, it is tough to be a strong woman. Due to the unfortunate reality of genetics, my daughter also never had a choice in being a stubborn, strong-willed, and loud female — which makes her lot in life that much more challenging, but a great adventure as well.

I come from a long line of strong women. My mother was a single mom who raised me to be tough as nails, and yet always show compassion. No matter how tired she was from working full-time, she always had time to listen to my problems or bandage a wounded knee. She also taught me that no matter how little you think you have, you are always more empowered when you give to others. I try my hardest to teach my daughter the power of solidarity and giving between women.

My mom once told me that it takes a village to raise a child. I can’t possibly count the number of inspirational and beautiful women who have helped me so far in my daughter’s life. I’m lucky my daughter has so many ladies too look up to.

Women are a force of nature when they come together, whether it be to help raise a child or make a dramatic change in the world. Solidarity is integral for making change and promoting healthy relationships between women. I can only hope that all of the garbage out there about women tearing each other down will be something my daughter advocates against as strongly as I do.

I have also taught my daughter about the importance of surrounding yourself with male figures who empower women. I am proud to say that many men in our lives are deeply supportive and fundamentally giving towards my little family. It seems my daughter is growing up in a world where men are changing as much as women when it comes to feminism. I am compelled to give a major shout-out to many of my millenial male friends out there — your mothers are proud.

My grandmother was yet another inspiration for my daughter and I. She taught me to always pursue what you love no matter what other people say you can or cannot do. She achieved a university degree in fine arts from Mount Allison University in 1958, and was the only woman in her class. She was also a single-working mom in the 1970s and pursued her art with a passion, not letting the judgements of others stand in her way.

I take my grandmother’s teachings and apply them to my daughter when it comes to her dreams. There is no single way to be a girl, or a woman. My daughter has the option to grow up to be an artist, a mathematician, an opera singer, or a mechanic if she wishes. The opportunities she has are seemingly endless.

Similar to my grandmother’s history, International Women’s Day reminds us there was a time when these choices were not so easy for women. Every time women get to vote, or to step through an office door, silently thank the women who made this possible and remember the shame and adversity women had to fight through to get us there.

The first International Women’s Day was celebrated on 1909 after thousands of women marched in New York for better pay and the right to vote. By 1975, the United Nations declared International Women’s Day as an officially recognized celebration and it was celebrated by many countries after this event, and continues today.

In the present, many people believe the fight for women has been won, but this is not so. We must teach our daughters the power of women who work together, to surround ourselves with men who empower women, and in turn invigorate ourselves to pursue our dreams.

And finally, we must teach our daughters to remember the women who came before us, and honour their achievements around the world.

girl power

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