mother's day Archives

Living May 18, 2018

On not being a mother

“Do you have any kids?” The question was barked at me one summer a few years ago. I was at a busy city intersection when I was trying to rush from one job to another and was blocked by a woman ostensibly handing out fast food coupons. It was a pretty insensitive and a loaded thing to ask a stranger. The streetlight couldn’t change fast enough.

“Well, I feel sorry for you,” she finally literally sneered at me.

Um, what?

From mothers vocalizing regret about having children, to articles scolding women and warning them that their life will be empty and lonely if they don’t embrace parenthood, there is a lot of focus on motherhood and those who opt out.

This past Mother’s Day a meme circulated with a message I found very touching, unexpected, and meaningful. Under cartoon bouquets of flowers there were captions describing different aspects of motherhood, and one bouquet was dedicated to women who have chosen not to be mothers.

I have never wanted children. Like at all. Not ever with absolute certainty. In my 30s I questioned this for the first time. It was the sudden loud and very real biological clock that started ticking when I met my niece Grace that caused the questioning to start.

I watched awed as she examined her tiny little feet and hands. I felt fulfilled and needed in a way I’ve never felt before when I gently patted her little back, helping her to burp.

I was suddenly putting myself through agony trying to get my life ready, trying to figure out if parenthood was something I truly wanted.

I was happy babysitting my niece. I’m happy being an aunt to my other nieces and nephews. Grace was born at a difficult time in my life and being happy about her birth didn’t have to translate into me being a mother.

People are well-meaning. They ask me to picture how sad my life will be in the future without children to visit me when I’m old. They remind me it’s a life altering experience, and that I’m missing out on so much, that I can’t even imagine what I’m giving up. They remind me gently that it’s not too late.

There is still time for me, technically, but the window is rapidly closing.

I don’t want to have to second guess a decision that I and my partner finally made together. If we ever change our minds in the future, there’s always adoption, or foster parenting.

Privately or publicly it seems women are expected to justify their decisions for not having children.

Am I doomed to be an incomplete person? Am I selfish? Am I letting down the human race in some way?

I don’t think so.

Some people just know they want children. Maybe they’ve always known, but can’t explain why, and no one must expect them to. So likewise, no one must expect women who don’t want children to explain themselves either.

Editor's Journal May 13, 2018

Reflection: I love you Mom

Four years ago, I wrote the blog post below celebrating my mother, when she was almost taken from me:

It’s unfortunate that we never truly know how much a loved one means to us until we’re faced with the risk of losing them. I of course love my mother beyond words, but it wasn’t until a few days ago while driving home from work and I received a text from my dad that read “Call me A.S.A.P on my cell or at home” that the reasons I love her flashed through my mind. My blood ran cold. First of all, my father is a hard working man who would not be at home at 4:30 p.m. on a Monday afternoon. He works until 8 on Mondays. Secondly, he rarely texts and never asks to be contacted on his cell. He only ever uses it for outgoing calls. I knew something was wrong.

I parked in my condo’s parking garage, raced to the elevator forgetting half of my belongings in my car trying to get to an area that had full phone service. I took a deep breath while attempting to push the negative from my mind, then dialed.

“Jess”, he said as soon as he picked up, “You’ve got to book that flight. That one Mom talked to you about last night. The deal ends today and she wanted me to remind you.”

“OK” I replied, feeling a bit relieved that this was all he was calling about, but something in the back of my mind told me there was more. See my mom is an angel who does everything to help others before even giving a thought to herself. If she wanted me to book that flight and was able to call she would have called me herself.

“You have to do it, Jess,” he said again. “Mom’s in intensive care. She’s very sick.” My heart felt like it had been ripped out. I couldn’t understand. I had just talked to her the night before. She was fine aside from what sounded like a chest cold. “The Doctors say they are hopeful they can reverse it. She’s gonna be fine but she needs our prayers.”

Naturally I crumbled. My dad said, “Don’t do this. She’s going to get through this. You go book that flight.”

“Tell her I love her,” I said through heaving sobs while moments spent hearing her over Skype the night before when she told me how proud she was of me, replayed in my mind. All I wanted was to be next to her. Her, the woman who does for others before she ever gives a second thought about herself. All those reasons that I love her beyond words began flooding my mind and I became completely undone at the thought of a world and a life without her in it.

Dad said to book the flight for my trip home to Ottawa at Christmas and say prayers. I did. But the feelings bouncing around my core, like electricity attempting to escape with no outlet, drove me nutty all night. I felt completely helpless, not knowing the true scenario and what sort of chances she had of recovering. I got the feeling that my dad was in a bit of shock and perhaps was doing his best not to divulge full details to avoid me becoming frantic. I later found out both were true.

Had my doting father, also a wonderful and loving husband, not had his late start day that morning, my mother would have died. An extreme and vicious case of pneumonia that went septic, poisoning her blood and threatening her vital organs, almost took her from us. But she’s a fighter. She pulled through.

My mom, is such an incredible woman in so many ways and is an amazing support to me and my brothers. She steadies me, knocks sense into me with her wise advice, encourages me in all that I do, and motivates me to be the best woman I can be while reminding me that there truly are no limits. My mother is a wonderful and talented person with a beautiful soul and the most giving nature. I only hope that one day I’ll be half the woman she is.

I always reflect on Mother’s Day. I give thanks to my mother for all of the ways she brightens my life. This year, more than any other, when I say “I love you Mom” it will be more than an acknowledgement of her success in fulfilling the role of mother to perfection, it will be a reminder to me that without her in my life, there would be a gaping void in my heart and soul.

She’s getting a bit stronger every day, and I have complete faith that she will be back to her cheerful self in no time. She’s receiving wonderful care while in hospital and the doctors and nurses have been unbelievable to both her and my father throughout this hardship.

****

She pulled through, but this experience and horrendous ordeal reminds me about how lucky I am to have my parents. It’s easy to forget the impact family and loved ones have and to take for granted the place they hold in your heart, when so consumed with the busy day-to-day. I vow to remember and appreciate every day, not just on Mother’s and Father’s Day.

Home & Garden April 29, 2017

Simple Mother’s Day ideas in Toronto 2017

Use this Mother’s Day to celebrate with your loved ones, whether it be your own mom, your children, or other friends and family. It doesn’t have to be a big affair — the most important thing is to make time for that special person in your life, that person that gave you hope and encouragement. If you happen to live in Toronto, there is a plethora of events you can choose from if you are looking for something to do that’s a bit outside the box. Whether your mother loves art or nature, history or salsa dancing, there is a little something for everyone to enjoy. Here are a few of our favourites at Women’s Post!

Georgia O’Keefe at the AGO:

What better way to celebrate the power of motherhood and women then to look at the stunning art of Georgia O’Keefe? She is a phenomenal artist and the AGO is hosting their largest ever exhibition with over 80 works on display. There is also a floral Georgia O’Keefe cocktail that will be offered at the Mother’s Day brunch at the FRANK restaurant on May 13^th and 14th. (327 Dundas St. W.) The brunch itself is pretty expensive (and reservations only), but if you are just looking for an after-exhibit beverage and a cozy atmosphere, you should absolutely check it out.

Spadina Museum:

The historic Spadina Museum is beautiful and elegant, perfect for a classy mom date out on the town. The museum is putting on a special exhibit called “The Language of Flowers”. A portion of the event includes designing a floral ‘talking’ bouquet where each flower has a message hidden inside. This event requires registration, but is a simple way to enjoy the prettier things in life while learning about the history of Toronto. (285 Spadina Rd.)

Check out the cherry blossoms:

The cherry blossoms are in full bloom in Trinity Bellwoods and High Park, and everyone is flocking to see how beautiful they are. It is also the perfect location for family photos. The cherry blossoms only come out for a limited time and they are breathtaking to witness in full bloom. If you go to Trinity Bellwoods, there are a host of delicious brunch spots. Maybe check out Trinity Bellwoods Brews if your mother fancies a pint on her special day. There is also delicious vegan ice cream at Olenka’s, which never disappoints.

Mother’s Day Chocolate Tour:

Almost every mom I know loves chocolate — it is a fact. Luckily, there is a chocolate tour that will lead you and your mother through a sweet and delectable experience. There is a chocolate demonstration and many samples will be provided on route. It’s also one of the more reasonably priced chocolate-themed events this May. This tour promises to be a delight, just make sure you don’t eat too much sugar! (443 King St. W.)

Mother’s Day Roncesvalles Food Tour:

Keeping in the food theme, maybe try something a bit less sugar-laden. This Rocensvalle tour pairs delicious foods and neighbourhood history all into one fantastic afternoon. Roncesvalles is a hip and trendy part of Toronto, full of delectable eateries. At $30 a person, it’s a great opportunity to do something different with your mom, while still enjoying the food nooks in the area.

Happy Mother’s Day from Women’s Post!

Living May 5, 2016

Five affordable Mother’s Day events in Toronto

Are you wondering what to do with your mom on Mother’s Day? Want to spoil her rotten, but sadly don’t quite have the funds to do it? Look no further! Here are some options that mom will love and won’t break the bank.

Mother’s day is coming up this weekend on May 8 and it is a great opportunity to show your mom how much you care. Sadly, many of the options available cost anywhere from $50 to $150! A $75 lunch can seem steep and a bit of a money grabber, don’t you think? I know I’d prefer attending an event with my mom that is enjoyable and reasonably priced.

A mother’s day chocolate tour is a delicious option. The event runs from 1:30 to 4 p.m and costs $40 for adults. One of the chocolate tours happening in the city is at SOMA Chocolatemaker (443 King St. W.). The tour includes treating mom to a sampling of chocolates and a guided tour on the history of chocolate making. Yum! There are also chocolate tours in Kensington Market and Trinity Bellwoods.

For more nature-loving moms, Scenic Caves Nature Adventures (260/280 Scenic Caves Rd. Blue Mountains) is offering free park admission with a paid child admission ($20.57), which includes cave exploration, the suspension bridge, and mini-golf. Moms and family members also receive $30 off the exo-adventure tour if they want to explore for the day. Having a picnic at a park or embarking on a hike is also a way to get outdoors and celebrate moms who love the outdoors.

The Mother’s Day Brunch Cruise is a fancier option for mothers and kids, but it is reasonably priced. It is $48.95 for adults and $24.95 for kids. Included is a boat cruise on Lake Ontario beginning at Queen’s Quay Terminal (207 Queen’s Quay W.) The cruise also offers a buffet brunch and cocktails for two hours along the harbourfront beginning at 11:30 a.m.

If you are looking for something a little more risqué to do with mom (assuming you are of legal age), try a burlesque show featuring the Glam Gals of GCB at The Libertine (1307 Dundas St. W.) with Chai French toast, scones, and cocktails. The cost of the event is $15, not including food or drinks, and begins at 12:30 p.m on Mother’s Day. Mothers will also receive a rose upon entry, which is an elegant touch to a bold and sexy Mother’s Day event.

If you are looking for a more traditional activity, there are several brunches in Toronto for mother’s day and many of them are over-priced. I found a few reasonably priced brunches that look appealing, including the Bluegrass brunch at The Dakota Tavern (249 Ossington Ave.) for $18 per adult and $7 per child, which begins at 10 a.m. Mildred’s Temple Kitchen (85 Hanna Ave.) provides a classic brunch on a prix-fixe menu, including pancakes, poached eggs, mimosas and Caesars for $27.50, beginning at 11a.m. The Drake Hotel (1150 Queen St. W.) also has a great mother’s day brunch starting at 9 a.m for $36 for adults and includes their famous blueberry scones, and banana pancakes at a prix-fixe.

Whether you are looking for a tasty tour, an outdoor adventure, a day on the lake, a burlesque show or a traditional brunch, Toronto has everything to offer for a great Mother’s Day. So get out there and celebrate your mom and enjoy yourself this coming weekend.

Where are you taking your mom on Sunday? Let us know in the comments below.