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Love & Sex February 12, 2016

How to be single: A Valentine’s Day Guide

So you’re single, huh? Another year, another day of love spent alone. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are plenty of things to do on Valentine’s Day, whether you’re with someone or not. We’ve created a list of super easy things you can do to feel the love, even if no one else will feel it with you.

Invest in a body pillow

Without the warmth of a significant other’s body cuddling yours, the night can get rather cold and lonely. You don’t need someone else’s hands to keep yours warm. Invest in a body pillow – they can be found at your local departmental store. The pillow is large enough to let you cuddle it in its entirety, leaving you no chance to miss real love. Your laptop can be used to stream a movie starring your favourite actor. We suggest someone in the likes of Ryan Gosling; a man that will surely never fail to make you warm inside.

Netflix and Chill

If you’re down with the lingo, you know by now that Netflix and Chill means to engage in the act of coitus. As in to have sex. However, with the lack of a person to do the deed with, you may find yourself in a little problem. So, take power and change the meaning of North America’s favourite phrase. You don’t necessarily have to have sex to Netflix and Chill. Grab a bunch of your other single friends and indulge in the beauty that is Magic Mike. Want a good laugh? 50 Shades of Grey is always a good choice! (Sorry, not sorry) Keep it light and avoid usual single go-to’s such as The Notebook. Don’t forget your calories – popcorn and chocolate are a must.

Wait till Monday

The day after Valentine’s might as well be the best day of the year. All those fancy boxed chocolates and love themed items go on sale for at least half the price. The best part of purchasing these yummy goodness is that you don’t even have to share! Better yet? Fill your home with the wilting flowers from your local grocery store. There’s just something extra heartbreaking about dying flowers, right? Dry them out by leaving them in the dark or hanging them upside down. The DIY potpourri will have your house looking colourful and smelling great.

Date Yourself

Love yourself first! Make sure your comfortable getting lost in your old world and being left alone in your thoughts before you get lost in someone else’s. Take the time to get to know yourself. Do what you love to do most without having to worry about pleasing anyone else. Whether that’s indulging in your favourite movie, attempting to perfect your adult colouring book masterpiece, or throwing a dance party – the act of masturdating will never leave you disappointed.

Get cats

Cats may not be able to cook you dinner or get you that bracelet you’ve had your eye on, but they can give you the cuddles and love you’ve been looking for. Studies show that furry friends can alleviate stress and turn your ice cold heart into a warm glob. Not a cat person? Choose from the plethora of other pets that you can domesticate! Dogs, birds, rabbits, a turtle are all excellent options. Pet it, feed it, and watch it sleep. These loved one will never leave the toilet seat up. And to that we say, thank you.

Don’t Be Sorry

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Being single isn’t the end of the world. In fact, think of all that stress you don’t have to feel by not worrying why he/she hasn’t called you back yet, whether or not they’ll like your gifts, how you’ll pretend to like theirs. Even if you’re ready to be in a relationship or if you haven’t got the time for it in your life right now, what’s important to remember is that your Mr. and Ms. Right will show up at your door step when the time is right – whenever that may be. Till then, keep doing you. Because you are great, my friend.

Let us know if you try anything from our suggestions this weekend. Don’t forget to leave a comment below. Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies!

Love,

Women’s Post

Love & Sex February 12, 2016

Heart thawing Valentine’s Day ideas

It seems winter has finally arrived. With a cold weather advisory in effect for Toronto today and temperatures expected to stay well below the freezing mark all through the long weekend, maybe it’s best to spend the next few days with your loved ones – indoors. However, with Valentine’s Day to look forward to, the last thing you want is to lounge around the house looking for something to do. Fret not! We have got you covered with these fun ideas on how you can keep things hot and fun at the same time.

Netflix and Chill

Nothing wrong with keeping things simple one year. Throw on a movie and relax. If you’re down with the lingo, you’ll know to wear your extra special pajamas with an added surprise underneath. Because Valentine’s Day is a day of love, be sure to pick a movie you’re not exactly too interested in seeing. That way you won’t be missing out on anything on the screen – just focus on what’s happening on your couch.

Host Games Night

Valentine’s Day isn’t just about your significant other. Your family and friends should be celebrated as well. Get everyone involved and host a night of fun. Have couple themed games available (remember to keep your single friends and families in mind too!) Serve hot chocolate and munchies to keep yourselves warm. Sometimes, the most fun is had when in groups.

Ignite the flames

Home? Put on some romantic music, light some candles, and get dressed! You don’t need a fancy restaurant to celebrate Valentine’s Day in style. Your kitchen can have the same effect. Cook up a nice meal – or get your significant other to cook it (because feminism). There’s something rather comforting about not having to awkwardly reply to your waiter while there’s food in your mouth. Plus there is the added luxury of not having parents at the table next to you who decided today is the day to teach their toddler what table manners. It’s all about you and your pasta tonight. Oh, and the person sitting across from you.

Have you ever?

Whether you’ve been together for a month or for 30 years, there’s always something about your significant other that slips through the cracks during your time together. Think about it: how well do you really know each other? It can be simple things such as their favourite colour, or something a little deeper – like the real reason behind their fear of dogs. Spend your day playing fun couple games, ask each other questions, and really open up to one another. (Warning: New couples should avoid questions on commitment, children, and future goals as it may cause a rather awkward situation that your developing relationship is just not ready for.)

Embrace The Cold!

Don’t let the cold weather stop you from doing your thing. Put on an extra layer and head out! Whether you want to embrace the busy restaurants or go out to see a movie in a theatre instead of your couch, just remember it’s never really that cold! Why not do something out of the box and try an activity that’ll be sure to keep you warm. Attend a dance class or engage in a winter sport; skating, perhaps? There’s nothing more romantic than attempting to walk on ice and – somewhat – gracefully fall in your significant other’s arms. Don’t fret over the temperatures – as long as your heart is warm.

Got any other ideas? Share them with us! Don’t forget to tell us how your weekend went in the comments below. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Feminism February 11, 2016

When I get that feeling, I want self-love healing

Try mentioning masturbation at a dinner party and watch as silence sweeps the room, facial expressions turn to shock and eyes will lower in shame. The word itself evokes a discomfort in most people that is not often seen in other sexualized topics of discussion.

It is time for the taboo surrounding female masturbation to be chucked into the trash, joining 1950’s Chatelaine ads advocating for traditional marriage and anti-abortion. Women have fought for sexual liberation since the 1960’s and 70’s — now let’s celebrate and talk about the importance of self-love.

Though squeezing the peach or stroking the sailor is mostly seen as a recreational activity, done under the covers late at night, research shows that masturbation has positive physical and psychological health effects for women. It is also a great way to get in touch with yourself … by touching yourself.

According to a study on vaginal massage released by the Research Clinic for Holistic Medicine in Copenhagen, Denmark, “Existential healing is not a local healing of any tissue, but a healing of the wholeness of the person, making him much more resourceful, loving, and aware of himself, his own needs, and wishes”.

Vaginal massage addresses not only physical problems, but it also allows the individual to understand how their sexual organs are affected by emotions and physical health. This, in turn, promotes further understanding of what a person needs in order to be satisfied with their health and their sex lives.

Vaginal massage and acupuncture also helps with incontinence and urinary tract problems. “These techniques often used for healing chronic pains in the pelvis or genitals, and treating the highly inconvenient pattern of frequent reinfection of the urinary system,” the Research Clinic for Holistic Medicine found.

In addition, masturbation can lead to some pretty earth shattering orgasms with practice. Orgasms resulting from masturbation aren’t just pleasurable, but they also secret higher levels of oxytocin. Oxytocin regulates prolactin, a stress hormone which has been shown to cause breast cancer and brain tumours. It is also a natural antibiotic and helps to fight nasty bacteria. So, next time someone asks what you are doing with your hands “down there”, why not tell them you are fighting cancer.

“Masturbation is a great way to explore your body for its own sake, have an enjoyable and pleasurable time, and learn what parts of your body are most responsive,” said Isabel Carlin from the University of Toronto Sexual Education Centre. “It’s also a great way to get to know your body and feel more comfortable with it for future sexual situations with other people.”

Having the ability to get yourself off whenever you please can be empowering and beautiful. Unfortunately there are many stigmas around masturbation that prevent women from exploring the exciting world down below.

“Stigma around masturbation can definitely make people feel stressed and anxious when they do masturbate (or even get the urge to do so), which can stop people from masturbating entirely,” said Carlin.

Reducing stigma and empowering people to embrace their own sexuality is a primary step towards sexual healing. For women with poor self-esteem or who have been sexualized in their past, masturbation is the last thing they want to do, despite it’s positive effects.

“When a woman begins to view herself as an object, the mental resources that are required to constantly monitor her appearance can disrupt her thought processes, thus disconnecting her from her natural internal cues,” writes Mels Van Driel, urologist and sexologist, in his book With the Hand: A Cultural History of Masturbation. “Body satisfaction can also influence a woman’s ability to orgasm, her willingness to explore novel sexual activities, and allow her to feel more comfort in providing sexual pleasure for herself”.

Many people shy away from their genitalia, thinking that self-love is a bit gross, disturbing, and inappropriate. But, it’s not. There is nothing wrong with hunkering down, grabbing some candles and mood music, locking your door, and beginning the process of understanding the inner-workings of your magic spot. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

When in doubt, remember the great words of Woody Allen, “I won’t hear a bad word about masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” Self-love is an important asset to understanding and loving your body. This Valentine’s day, take advantage, and enjoy one of the most satisfying ways to stay healthy and happy.

Love & Sex May 31, 2014

LOVE & SEX: This guy made a documentary to find out if size really does matter

One thing is clear, Patrick Moote doesn’t have a lot of embarrassment left. After proposing to his girlfriend on a jumbotron at a sporting event and being turned down, being the subject of a documentary about small penises wouldn’t seem all that mortifying. The trailer for the film, Unhung Hero, follows protagonist Moote as he speaks to women, experts, and medical professionals about penis size.

His girlfriend turned him down apparently because he was lacking in the pants. While this is an awful reason to break up with someone, it has gotten under his skin to the point where he and film maker Brian Spitz traveled the world to find out the answer to the age old question: does size really matter?

Follow Women’s Post on Twitter at @WomensPost.

Love & Sex May 30, 2014

A year later

Tomorrow is our anniversary and I can’t help my desire to scream, “We made it!” at the top of my lungs. This is my first anniversary since the Big Ex in 2009 and the differences between then and now are staggering: four years ago I was afraid to tell the Big Ex that I loved him, four years ago on our anniversary the Big Ex was on a date with another woman and four years ago I couldn’t have told you that I was happy even if I thought I might have been.

Tomorrow Boyfriend and I are going for dinner and a movie, we’ll exchange gifts and we’ll fall asleep in what I can only assume will be a sweaty tangled mess. But the biggest difference of all is that I’m not afraid; I’m not afraid that making a big deal out of an anniversary will scare him off, I’m not afraid to tell him how much I love him and I’m not afraid to enjoy myself on a day that is meant to be enjoyed.

We’ve been through a lot this year: my mum’s illness, my work issues, the loss of his grandfather and six months of trying to figure out why I can barely keep food down. At this point we’ve been through some of the worst parts of life together and we’ve managed to come out smiling. I have never known the kind of support that I get from Boyfriend. As an adult child of divorce I’ve barely seen this kind of support outside of movies and TV shows; to be honest I didn’t even know that this kind of love was real, I just assumed that writers and directors were just really talented at creating loving worlds on paper and screen.

But after a year of experiencing love first hand I’ve come to realize that it isn’t all a fantasy, it takes a lot of work, a lot of practice and a lot of honesty. You have to be ready to share yourself fully, your fears, hopes, dreams and even (especially) the things you hate about yourself. Relationships aren’t easy, that was the part the writers got wrong, a big gesture won’t fix everything, there is no quick fix when things go wrong and you’ve got to really love yourself before anyone can love you. Some days I think it would be easier to walk through the world alone, as it’s a lot easier to lie to myself when the days get tough than it is to lie to Boyfriend.

But in the end finding someone who loves and appreciates you because of, not in spite of, your weird little quirks is the best feeling in the world. So what if I never wear matching socks or if I set my alarm clock in intervals of three or if I insist on calling penguins “pengins”? It’s all part of who I am and he loves me.

I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life and I hope that this is just the first of many more anniversaries.

Love & Sex March 28, 2014

RELATIONSHIPS: The double standard of talking about the future

When men reveal their secrets, I listen carefully. After all, it isn’t everyday that they’re willing to break the code and allow a woman into their mind. So when I found out about the double standard that may actually be responsible for sending men packing early in relationships, I knew it had to be shared.

I found out this tidbit on a first date of all places. We were talking about relationships over dinner. Ok, the fact that we were on a date and talking about past relationships is bad form, I know. But that’s how it usually goes when they fall into the friend category right away.

He’d asked me about my last relationship. The good girl in me said, avoid the topic. The realistic girl said, he’s the friendship guy so it’s ok to get his opinion. Since my breakup was still raw, I was all too eager to spill the details.

The future was responsible for the breakup, I confessed. Apparently I’d talked about the future too much and it put pressure on my former beau. Mr. Friend asked for details so I complied.

It was early on in the relationship, I’d explained. The stage where infatuation was at its peak and new couples, drinking from the same cup of amour, fantasized about being together forever. Could this be it? Could the long, search finally be over?

So when my past boyfriend talked about kids and homes together and trips we could take, I figured it was ok to jump in and reciprocate. Besides, a girlfriend told me, if he wasn’t serious about you, he wouldn’t talk this way! Men don’t say these things so early on unless they were serious. Uh huh. Words of wisdom from a woman’s point of view? Take heed ladies, this is not the case.

But as soon as I joined in the future talk, I saw the eyes widen. I saw the fear rise and I watched my beau turn and duck into the cave. His reason? I was rushing things. It was too much pressure.

I stood there, stunned, running over the conversations in my head. Didn’t he ask me on the second date if I wanted kids? What about the nice houses that he wanted us to look at? And the colours for the rooms…what was that all about?

I poured out my confusion to Mr. Friend and saw his eyes widen and palms rise as he shook them, jazz style, singing, “No no…NEVER talk about the future! Never mention the future to a guy who you just started dating!!”

But, I stammered. I was following his lead! It doesn’t matter, Mr. Friend said. You just don’t do it. Men live for the moment and they say what they feel at the time.

Ohhh, so it’s a double standard?

Yes, Mr. Friend confessed. It was and it will always be that way. Accept it.

I shared this interesting revelation with my girlfriend. When men talked about the future, they didn’t really mean it. They were living in the moment. Ah ha! The secret revealed!

Weeks after I’d found out the secret, I had a chance to test this theory. The former beau poked his head out of the cave and looked around. He wanted to live in the moment he said. Uh huh. I agreed. No talk of the future. Ok, I admitted that maybe I did talk about the future and it wouldn’t happen again.

But as time went on, and euphoria set in, the future talk resurfaced. I listened, I smiled and I nodded. I made no plans. I did not reciprocate and I did not build on it. I smiled and I lived in the moment.

My girlfriend, amazed at the theory, tried the tactic with her new boyfriend. When he talked of living together, she smiled and nodded. She said it changed her whole way of thinking because no longer was she that woman who jumped too far ahead in a relationship when men lived in the moment.

No, it’s not fair. In fact, it’s downright annoying! But at the end of the day I realize that it’s not about fair. It’s about understanding the difference between men and women so we can walk though this uneven playing field with grace.

So the next time you have a date with a man and he starts talking paint colours for the bedroom, smile, nod, and change the topic. Never bring it up again until the day you actually move in together. Only then will he be ready to paint together.

Living February 13, 2014

Talk to your kids about sex because they know more than you think

Have you heard about the “What Would Your Mother Do?” underwear, a line of T-shirts and boy shorts that features slogan like “Zip It,” “Dream On,” and “Not Tonight”? According to the brand’s creators their “conversation underwear” will “empower” girls to “make good, informed decisions” about sex (although there is no mention of that rather “dangerous” word on the site) that are theirs and theirs alone. The only good and informed choice being not to have sex – of course.

Now while the idea of underwear with cute pro-abstinence slogans preventing teen sex is laughable (as one would assume that by the time young people weighing the option to have sex get down to their underpants it’s game on, right?), the lack of comprehensive sex education for kids who live in a culture steeped in sex and all the pleasures it brings is not. Though Canadians don’t seem to be as intent on the promotion of abstinence-only education as our neighbours to the south (where the funding of abstinence only sex ed programs jumped from $9 million to $176 million between 1997 and 2007), the derailment of the proposed changes to Ontario’s sex ed curriculum in 2010 is indicative of a loud, highly conservative and very vocal minority (I hope) who would support the same kind of focus here. A fact that is worrying, if only to left leaning folks like me.

Hardcore porn has become by default the sex education of today. – Cindy Gallop

A 2009 study by the security firm Symantec found that the fourth most-searched term among kids aged eight to eighteen – after Facebook, YouTube and Google – was SEX. For kids seven and under it was PORN. – Mashable

You see, kids, whether their parents readily admit it or not, are generally very interested in learning about sex and exploring their own sexuality (I know I was when I was a kid). And in the absence of access to clear, comprehensive education about such matters – at school or at home – curious kids will find their own way. Unfortunately from what I remember of my own childhood, as well as what I glean from my limited interactions with young people today, kids are finding their own way often involves perusing porn on the Internet (which overtime may lead to them developing a skewed view of what real life sex is like); seeking advice from their equally ill-informed peers; or worse yet, picking up tips from someone older and “wiser” than they, who may not have the most altruistic agenda – if you know what I mean. So, is it wise for parents, teachers or any other adults else genuinely concerned with the well being of the children in their lives to avoid open dialogue about sex due to embarrassment, awkwardness or fear? I think not.

Instead of telling kids to just say no, deflecting their questions about sex and/or buying them modern-day chastity belts in the form of boy shorts emblazoned with anti-sex messaging, the grown-ups in their lives would do well to provide them with accurate and age-appropriate information about sex when they indicate that they are interested and ready to receive it. Because with or without the help or influence of the adults who care about them most, kids will always find a way to see and learn about sex. Just as most adults, including myself did (long before the advent of the Internet I might add) when they were kids.

This article was previously published on December 14, 2011.

Follow B. A. on Twitter at @BA_Dobson.

Follow Women’s Post on Twitter at @WomensPost.

Living January 20, 2014

New wave sexuality for female pop stars

Today’s female pop stars are embarking on a new wave of sexuality. With each new video, it’s becoming increasingly difficult for the top female performers to stay relevant. So, when being sexy and talented no longer makes the cut, they must achieve grander exploits to meet their fans’ twisted standards of entertainment. As a result, female pop stars are reaching epic levels of sexuality in order to keep their fans interested.

Fans are no longer entertained by blond sex icons like Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson, or the moody lyrics of Avril Lavigne. This is not enticing enough for today’s desensitized audiences. The girlish teasing and flirty lyrics that once filled our hearts with delight is now incredibly stale! We now embrace a world of mind-numbing commercialization filled with fanny-flashing, pseudo-lesbianism and subpar voices — the trademark of our current female pop stars. And so, we enter this radical wave of sexual sensationalism where Popstars like Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus seem to state a clear motto: Why simply seduce your fans when you can shock them?

Lady Gaga knows this motto all too well. Since being sexy and talented is not enough, she needs to become outlandishly provocative in order to entertain her fans. After Lady Gaga’s MTV performance this past summer, a critic by the name of Aunt Jemima tweeted to Entertainment Weekly, “someone is getting….boooooo-ring !” This was tweeted despite the fact that Lady Gaga wore a G-String during the finale, underwent four costume changes and had intense choreography. Another tweeter by the name Ballerina wrote, “She doesn’t have the X-factor or wow factor.” These tweets just reinforce how female pop stars are puppets for today’s easily-unimpressed fans.

We have to take a moment to consider how “far” we’ve come. When Madonna released the video, “Like a Virgin” in 1985, people nearly dropped dead from shock. All around the world, people watched Madonna as she pranced around in a wedding dress, singing suggestively about virginity. Even though the singer was 26 at the time, people still considered the performance incredibly racy.

As Madonna passed the torch to Britney and the flame flickered out she was replaced by the new sensationalist Miley Cyrus. And the 21 year old singer has taken this role very seriously— simply ride a wrecking ball in the nude or make-out with some phallic-looking construction tools and you’re all set!

However, there may be some method to Miley’s madness. As she is arguably the ringleader of this new wave sexuality, Miley’s exploits can be viewed as modern and, dare I say, feminist. Her new crotch grabbing trademark and shaved head is a testament to this new wave sexuality. She has a bizarre and sometimes androgynous style of shock. Miley makes this very clear in her Arizona Iced Tea Ad as she mannishly holds a can against her crotch, and wears a red bodysuit which barely covers her lady business. This mischievous persona seems to blatantly confront stereotypes around the classic female pop star. By making it clear that she is not a Katy Perry, Miley is setting out to make herself an object of spectacle as opposed to one of clichéd sexuality. Therefore, Miley is more than just meat for the male spectator — she’s reaching for an image that’s difficult to categorize — a symbol of unbridled extremity.

But Miley is not only shocking us, she’s setting a standard. As we eat up these exploits, we are also establishing norms for our female pop stars.

And why are men not subjected to these outrageous standards of behavior? Male singers still seem to be doing the same old routines that have always been popular among the masses. Justin Bieber is still romancing with models in his videos and Usher is still swaggering in his sunglasses . Yet, fans do not place the same pressure on these male artists to deliver mind-blowing entertainment. On the other hand, if female pop stars gave classically girlish performances, they would be sent deep into the abyss of irrelevancy and low YouTube views. For this reason women must work hard to push the boundaries to keep their fans interested while male Popstars can simply cruise along with the same old tricks.

At the end of the day, I believe we are the problem.

Love & Sex September 15, 2013

Let’s get real

Reality is something I’m normally good at: I’m brash, bold and am often told that I could use a mouth filter, which I’m almost positive is code for duct tape. But when it comes to boyfriends, reality and honesty is a little bit harder for me.

Earlier this week Mr. Unexpected and I were hanging out and he did something that put me off; when he asked why I was acting weird I shrugged and told him to leave it alone. Leaving things alone is not his forte. He’s a fan of honesty and if he wanted someone for emotionless sex he’d get a booty call, so ignoring issues and not talking about the hard stuff doesn’t count as an option any more.

Everyone has things in their past that they don’t like talking about, things that we put away in a box that we never look at. But boxes are imperfect structures and sometimes the bad things leak out at inopportune moments and we have to deal. For me the dealing part has never been that difficult, but sharing all the parts of me, even the less-than-pretty parts, is really difficult.

When we first talked about making our relationship official Mr. Unexpected wasn’t sure that I was ready for a relationship, and to be honest neither was I. Now that I’m in it I’d hate to lose him, but how do I share all the parts of me without being a self-conscious mess?

I don’t think there’s an easy answer. It’s one step at a time. I started with my slightly crazy alarm clock neurosis (I can only set my alarm clock to an interval of 3), then I talked about the exes and finally I got to my family and that is where things got tough and my desire to hide under the covers and only share the shiny parts of myself kicked in.

One of my favourite things about Mr. Unexpected is that I’m not allowed to hide, I’m not allowed to only share the superficial bits and he has no problem telling me that.

Maybe what I’ve been looking for all these years isn’t just a manfriend or the perfect bed buddy; maybe what I’ve been looking for is someone who isn’t afraid of me, someone who doesn’t take my shit, someone who doesn’t let me hide or evade questions. Maybe what I needed is someone as opinionated and strong as I am.

It’s really nice to have someone who tells me to cut it out and be real; it’s kind of amazing that he won’t put up with the number of evasion tactics I’ve come up with over the years.

It’s about damn time I had a man that won’t let me walk all over him and won’t try and walk all over me. It’s about time I had someone who refuses to let me hide behind my emotional make-up.

If I didn’t think it would give him an even bigger ego I’d thank him for always making me talk things out.

Uncategorized July 18, 2013

DATING: Breaking all the rules

Whether I’m in a relationship, starting a new one, or just dating someone, I tend to have rules, a lot of them. Rules keep me grounded; they help me feel in control and, most of all, they are there to protect me from getting hurt.

Last week I went on a date with a new man and I broke almost all of my rules. Don’t date someone who is friends with your friends, it leads to drama; I broke that one when I said yes to dinner. Don’t sleep with someone new on a first date; I broke that one, even though I told him I wouldn’t. Don’t constantly text and talk at the beginning of something new, leave a little mystery; I broke that one as we’ve been speaking daily since Saturday and have plans to see each other again in two days.

Someone wise, or really foolish, once said that rules are made to be broken and even though I have a rule for almost every situation, I find that my rules are more akin to guidelines; if I make it a rule, I have to think before I act.

So, I broke all of the rules with the cute, charming and oh-so-sexy City Boy. But, instead of being reckless and impulsive, I thought about what I was doing and I made a conscious choice to throw the rules out the window.

My rules are there to stop me from getting hurt, but, if I’m honest with you, I don’t believe that life or love happens without a little bit of pain. The good things are always worth fighting for, the great things don’t come freely, and the best things require so much of yourself that, if they end, it will hurt, a lot.

Is this new man going to be it? Maybe. Maybe not. But, if I bothered following all of the rules just to keep a little mystery I’d be doing myself and him a disservice because he’d be dating a diet version of me, toned down and with far less flavor.

I’ve always been a little wild and a lot impulsive, so my rules serve as a series of checks and balances – a reminder that I need to think, just a little, before I jump headfirst into something. But I don’t want men to fall for the me when I’m acting like someone else – the girl who doesn’t date certain people because it would be inappropriate, the girl who doesn’t embrace her sexuality, the girl who doesn’t fall in love on a regular basis. That girl? She isn’t me, she’s boring and she doesn’t know what she really wants.

I know what I want, I know who I am and I love that about myself; so I stop and think about my actions occasionally, but I almost never follow the rules – after all, they were made to be broken.

Follow Shannon on Twitter at @Shanninigans.