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Single on Valentine’s Day? It’s going to suck

It’s Valentine’s Day. Isn’t that great?

Two months ago I had a boyfriend. This year would have been the first time I celebrate this “holiday” with a partner. As you can imagine, I was already planning the details. How I would act all surprised when he brought me flowers with a small heart-shaped card asking “will you be my valentine.” He would cook a romantic meal that we would eat by candlelight. Afterwards, a little dancing outside under the stars (in my dream, it’s always warm in February). The perfect, romantic, Valentine’s Day.

And then it all went to shit — as it always does around the holidays. Am I right ladies?

Now, I’m single again. Single on Valentine’s Day. It feels slightly akin to this:

But, I’m used to it. I’m used to the numbing reality of being lonely, with only your parents to send you a quick “I love you” e-card and a box of chocolates to make you feel extra special. Imagine the talk in the office: “ooooo, who gave you those heart-shaped cupcakes??!! Who is the special guy/gal? – Oh, it was my mom.”

But, does Valentine’s Day have to be so crappy for single women? All the magazines tell us that it’s totally fine and there are lots of ways to celebrate this holiday without a partner. Let’s run through the options:

I’m going to focus on self-love this Valentine’s Day: What a bunch of bull shit. Do you think that by going out to a pedicure or treating yourself to a glass of wine, you will forget about how single you are? You know what sounds like a fun time? Going to a fancy restaurant and having a luxurious dinner by yourself while watching as all the couples around you kiss and laugh and dance….yes, that sounds lovely. Sure, I can spend a few hundred dollars on a spa day, surrounded by equally single (or retired) women, drinking gross cucumber water and pretending to be happy. But honestly, it’s just a waste of a lot of money. I’d much rather go to the spa on a day where I can enjoy it.

I like the sentiment. The “I don’t need a man to complete me” philosophy is a good one, but on Valentine’s Day, it all goes out the window. Even the strongest of women are entitled to feel crappy as they watch everyone else pair off. No amount of “self-love” can change that.

I’m going to hang out with my single friends: What single friends? As a millennial in my mid 20s, all of my friends have paired off, and all the single ones bat for the other team. Hanging out with them makes me feel even more alone. Don’t get me wrong, hanging out with friends is always the best bet, especially if you are feeling a bit sad, but it’s not always the best solution. Your friend invites you to a dinner party that night and you may be stuck sitting between couple A and couple B, trying to explain why there was no guy….literally no one….you could have brought.

Let’s say, for argument sakes, you have a solid group of single friends, all looking to hang out and forget about this terrible Hallmark holiday. You go out, drink your fill, and spend the next few hours trying to get the cute guy in the corner to give us the time of day. At the end of the night, all you are left with is a splitting headache and a lot of regret.

 

I’m going to find someone online to spend the evening with: Bad idea. Just a really, really bad idea. I don’t know how much clearer I can be. Anyone online on Valentine’s Day is looking to do just one thing — find a desperate and sad woman willing to have a one-night-stand. I’m sorry, but it’s true. This isn’t Hollywood. No one finds their soulmate on Valentine’s Day. Remember ladies: you never know who is behind the screen. And, if you do decide to meet up with someone, it will never be Ryan Gosling.

 

I’m going to spend time with family: Hi mom! I’m back! Thanks for the cupcakes and the card! Yes, I know I shouldn’t be upset I don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day. Yes, I know I deserve better. No, I’m totally fine! Can I have a second helping of mac n’ cheese please?

Seriously though, spending time with family is great. They can be a real comfort when you are feeling down. But, it also emphasizes the fact that, well, you have no where else to be. Unless your family has a tradition of getting together on Valentine’s Day, it’s just a nice reminder that your siblings and friends are all having a romantic evening out and here you are, watching a movie with your mom and dad, pretending everything is normal.

As you can see, the choices are slim. I apologize for my pessimism, but there really is no escaping it. Valentine’s Day is going to suck. Might as well embrace that fact and do it properly — alone, in my pyjamas, with Chinese food and a giant stack of candy, watching A Walk To Remember while clutching a box of Kleenex.

Pro tip: Get to your closest grocery store super early the next day for discount chocolates. It’s really the only positive thing about this stupid holiday. You are welcome.

Will you be single this Valentine’s Day? What will you be doing? Let us know in the comments below!

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Love & Sex

How to want him without needing him

When to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to, is courage. Walking away with your head held high is dignity.”

There it is; Wisdom. Courage. Dignity. More often than not, we confuse the three. And every once in a while, you’ll find yourself immersed in someone else’s idea of these values. All of a sudden, they come into your life with such ease, becoming so important to you within such a small amount of time, you begin to question why there was any confusion in the first place. It’s what makes life worth living- and sometimes so challenging.

But while its worth living, this someone is like a plate of deep fried chicken wings- both mouth watering and unhealthy. You enjoy the moments you spend together, not realizing the consequences. At first sight, he’s a real looker, one with a smile that can make you palpitate. Except unlike the plate of fried chicken, he can’t be packed away for later. And the damage he will do to your heart cannot be fixed with healthy diet or exercise.

***

After coming out of a serious but rather mundane and loveless relationship, I had sworn off any emotional attachments for the time being. I began to approach men with a casual attitude, shutting them down when they began questioning ”our future”.

He was no different on this list — until I realized that I couldn’t shut him down. Although we’ve never met in person, mutual connections brought us together and we took it from there on social media. Through frequent texting and flirtatious exchanges, it was apparent that our common interests, combined with his suave demeanour and my distinctive personality had us both intrigued.

The late night phone calls began – and after a lot of persistence on his part and a lot of reluctance on mine — mostly due to his mysterious ability to always say the right thing at the right time — I soon found myself in an emotional relationship. Our feelings were addressed, dreams were discussed, and our goals and ambitions for the future were encouraged. I would play along, knowing fully well there was a slim chance of it becoming a reality. It was just all too good to be true.

But he made me happy.

His passion towards his unconventional career choice made him sexy and different from the men I’ve previously been involved with. He didn’t just slip into his profession. He chose it. And although it was difficult to picture myself actively adapting to his unpredictable lifestyle, I could never let his priorities change because of me. I wouldn’t.

However, being so different, yet so incredibly similar left us with a compatibility and chemistry that I had always craved for. And although we had our share of turbulence along the way, I genuinely cared about him. His straightforward personality and way with words left no room for speculation. He loved me. And I loved him.

But hearing him whisper “I’m not the right guy for you” every other night made me wonder what I was getting myself into. In the midst of our twisted games and ability to toy with each other’s emotions, I grew accustomed to his doubtful pursuits. It was soon after that I realized I needed more certainty in my life- certainty that wouldn’t come from him.

I’ve attempted to take the high road and walk away. Be a ‘wise’ person. And because I even considered it, I guess, made me ‘courageous’. But its walking away with ‘dignity’ that I’m still working on.

Too often, we choose the idea of settling in fear of never meeting someone like him again. We break under the pressure that the man we’re destined to be with won’t be in the form of the handsome, charming, and alluring man that we first fell in love with. The intensity of our relationship was one that was reminiscent of the sappy films we watch on rainy days. And no matter how many obstacles come in front of the love struck couple in these films, you sit and hope that they’ll somehow end up together in the end.

But most of the time, they don’t.

It’s not going to be easy coming to terms with the absence of him in my life. And even more difficult once we meet in person. The memories of his arm around my waist, the smell of his cologne, or the way he looks at me will probably linger in my mind for years to come. But it’s a step I’m willing to take to remind myself of my individual strength and my ability to see him as a desire and not a necessity.

Because he’s something I’m going to have to learn to live without.

How do you handle difficult relationships? Let us know in the comments below! 

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Love & Sex

The worst date ever: I’m sorry, you want what?

Sometimes a girlfriend calls in a friend favour and even though you’ve taken off your make-up, put on your PJs and are cuddled in bed ready to watch the TV you’ve missed this week, you get dressed and go meet her. It’s just what you do.

A couple of weeks ago one of my best friends called in a friend favour and had me meet her at boy’s house for a couple drinks. She had met this boy a few weeks prior to that and they had hit it off instantly. He was gorgeous, smart, funny and he had abs you could grate cheese on; he seemed to be the whole package.

We arrived to cold beers and Gold Rush on the TV, a solid start to any evening. But within minutes we found out that his small town friends would be arriving and so would his dealer. The evening took a turn after that. We were happy to have a couple of beers and chat but neither of us were interested in putting anything up our noses.

I left around 1 a.m., citing work as my excuse. I offered to take my friend with me, but she was willing to stick around and give him the benefit of the doubt.

It wasn’t until the next day that I heard how her evening ended over several bottles of wine; it was just one of those stories. My friend popped by my apartment after work with two bottles of white and what I’ve come to recognize as her what-the-hell face.

After I left my girl and the Charlie Sheen wannabe had retired to his bedroom. About halfway into what might have been the turning point for their evening he asked her a favour: “Would it be OK if my friends came to watch?” Her response was simple, “Not a chance.” At which point our leading man stood up to leave—not because he was angry or disappointed but so he could go to the living room to tell his friends that unfortunately she wasn’t interested in putting on a show.

I think the best and worst part of the story is that he had assumed that she would say yes. He had so much confidence that she would say yes that he had pre-arranged everything with his friends. I’ve been on a lot of terrible first dates and a few terrible second dates, but never has a man assumed that a second date meant a closet show for his friends, because that is insane. Isn’t it?

Has being in a relationship changed my perspective? In the four months that I’ve been with Mr. Unexpected, have men started asking women for their wildest fantasies? Perhaps in anticipation of tomorrow’s apocalypse men have decided that they might as well swing for the fences. That has to be it, right?

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