Halloween is just around the corner, what better way to celebrate the season than to dress up in a few scraps of clothing and call it a sexy outfit? Girls have it pretty easy here — as we learned from Mean Girls, all it takes for a girl’s sexy costume is lingerie and animal ears.
The boys unfortunately have a tougher time, as evidenced by the monstrosities below.
Familiarize yourself with the nearest eyewash station to run to after you’ve had your fill off of this list.
1. Why do I get the impression that anyone who would wear this costume is the exact opposite of what is implied here?
2. Somewhere in a warehouse full of lesbian sex-toys they realised they had too many strap-ons and began marketing them as this.
3. You could go shirtless, or you could wear a shirt with a grainy pixelated photo of a chest you could never achieve.
4. All three of my wishes are for you to get away from me.
5. Probably not the best idea to symbolise your penis with a slithering poisonous creature everyone is afraid of.
6. Yeah, we get it, and we also know that the truth is nowhere near that big.
7. Just stop with the penis jokes, please.
8. Well this one wouldn’t be so bad if the movie wasn’t 20 years old.
9. “This year I dressed up as the only things I think women are good for.”
10. Probably not a great costume to wear when answering your door for trick-or-treaters.